Afraid to Sleep

After cuddling together on the sofa for awhile, Aidan and I headed upstairs to our room. No one can have any comprehension of what that phrase makes me feel like even now ... OUR ROOM. It's really mind-blowing to go from almost seven months apart, having never lived in the same state let alone the same house, to flying 3000 miles to Aidan's birth country and sharing a home. I can imagine for some, the idea of this dynamic could be awkward, to say the least -- I have been asked a hundred times how on earth Aidan and I could have fallen so hard for one another in love with the majority of our time together being over Skype -- and on top of that, how in the world could we just move in together (even temporarily)?? Wouldn't that feel the least bit... odd? No. Not at all. That's just part of the beauty of what we share together. I can say with utmost certainty that walking into this house with Aidan and sharing every morning, noon, and night with him has been nothing short of natural for me. We have grown so close over the last several months, sharing everything in our conversations, that being together like this is just ... RIGHT. It's just exactly what needed to be.

SO... back to the story. We went upstairs and got ready for bed, and we checked on Jillian who was sound asleep. I don't remember what time it was, probably nearing midnight -- and the sky was still light. Here it stays light outside very late and the sun is up by 4am -- it's really a shock for my brain! I was truly exhausted, both mentally and physically. Not only the five hour time change pushing me into jet lag, but the excitement of the journey, the constant watchful eye (even sleeping on the plane) over my daughter making sure she was never out of my sight through all this travel, and then the adventure of meeting so many new people -- and hearing this beloved Irish accent and dozens of new words and phrases, sending my mind into partial translation mode -- wore me out. Don't get me wrong --- all of it was a "good" tired, if you know what I mean. I was overcome with happiness, but needed sleep. By the time Aidan and I finally bid each other 'sweet dreams' and I heard him lulling off in slumber, I lay there awake with heavy eyes, exhausted, but almost afraid to close them. Was I dreaming? Would I still be here in the morning? More importantly -- would Aidan still be beside me when the sun came up?

It was almost like a movie. I felt as if I had traveled through time or space or into some third dimension. Only days before I was washing dishes in my own kitchen, running errands in Michigan, pouring over college books, and staring at my true love on my iPhone screen --- and now, I was laying next to him at midnight in Ireland. Images of the day rolled in my mind like a film in slow rewind. The green hills, the bleating sheep, the delightful cadence in the way the Irish speak, the way Aidan's family welcomed Jillian and I with open arms and open hearts, and even the little differences I was already noticing between my daily life back home and life here. As much as I needed sleep, I found myself laying there just digesting everything  that had just happened.

Speaking of differences ... I had tried to prepare myself for different facets of Irish life before I came; I read about the cuisine, the landscape, and I watched over 100 hours of documentaries pertaining to the unique (and often troubled) Irish history. I even read blogs of Americans living here in Ireland, watched Irish comedians on YouTube, and scanned lists of common Irish cuss words and what they mean (even though I'm not one to use them -- it must be known that the F word is way more commonly spoken here than at home, for example!) Call me a nerd, or an obsessive researcher -- most of it was a combination of curiosity and trying to kill time over seven months without my boyfriend. But there are many things here that I had no preparation for, which left me with delightful surprise - or confusion, as it may be. For example, I had already found myself in a dark bathroom not knowing how to turn on a light. That was funny. Feeling the walls for a switch in the dark got me no where. I soon learned that the light in the bathroom is controlled by a string hanging down near the door. Pull the string, and the light in the middle of the ceiling comes on. Huh -- who knew? I also found out that it takes more than a gentle push to flush a toilet here on the Emerald Isle (and I know now that my new Irish friends and family will be laughing, but hey -- come along and walk in my shoes for a bit and enjoy the fun!) Jillian and I even had a private conversation about giving the toilet a good muscle push to make it work. I haven't yet seen a combined hot/cold faucet -- the hot and cold water are controlled separately. (Not that we don't have that in the States -- we do -- but combination faucets are seen more often than the separate faucets.) And even though I was prepared for the outlets, having purchased six plug adapters -- I found out the hard way that you can't just plug something in and walk away: I plugged in my phone to charge it and came back sometime later only to find it hadn't charged at all -- there are tiny on/off switches for every outlet. Plug something in, turn the switch 'on' and voilá -- you have electric -- or as the Irish say, "NOW you're suckin' diesel!' And the tea. OH the tea. Even on my first day, I lost count of how many cups of tea I had. And I already liked it! Truthfully, I was afraid I wouldn't take to it well -- I'm a coffee drinker through and through. But by the second cup, it already tasted good to me (granted, my tea gets milk and sugar.) And do you know, every time you drink tea, you get biscuits? EVERY time. Not biscuits like we know them to be, though -- (the flaky, round dough-based bread kind that are baked and then eaten with butter or jam or sausage gravy) -- Biscuits here, are sweets. Chocolate and wafers, kind of reminiscent of Twix bars, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, marshmallow and chocolate, caramel and chocolate, oh the list goes on. The first time Jillian was offered a biscuit she declined-- until she saw other people eating the chocolate goodness. Jillian comes running now if you mention biscuits. So imagine -- tea several times a day and also every time you go to someone else's home -- there are biscuits. God help my hips during these seven weeks, from growing. Gotta get out there and walk it off on these Irish hills!! Oh but just delicious. My Lord. I'm loving tea and biscuits.

And so my mind continued to wander through all of these visions, while I lay there in the dark. I tried so hard to shut it off for the moment in order to get some rest -- after all, the very next day was the wedding -- the IRISH wedding, sure to be a very long and exciting event! I rolled over and watched my sweetheart sleeping, reached over and touched his brow and his hair and stared long and longingly at him, thanking God once more that we were finally together. And once again, I felt my precious Claddagh ring on my finger, felt the butterflies in my stomach, and finally closed my eyes. What a beautiful dream I am living. What a beautiful dream.

Aidan had set the alarm to make sure we were up and at-em on Friday morning for enough time to get ready for the wedding, and to get Jillian ready to go with Sheenagh to her house with Rose and Erin, two of her nieces that are close to Jillian's age. Jillian isn't used to being able to spend so much time with other kids outside of school, because our neighborhood is mostly retired couples, so she is in heaven here! And so... the alarm went off and in my sleepy state I heard Aidan say "Good Morning, Gorgeous!" as he kissed me. I blinked awake ... and happily, realized I was still here in this beautiful country and Aidan was very much still next to me.

After coffee and "soda" (soda farls -- a type of bread, similar to English muffins in texture but prepared in larger, triangle or wedged shapes), it was time for a shower. Now that was about to be an adventure for this American girl.

I gathered what I needed and headed to the bathroom, not surveying my surroundings enough before stripping down. I saw the shower head and out of habit, reached down to turn on the hot and cold water faucets in the tub. But I couldn't find the knob or switch to turn on the shower! Hmmmm. I looked up near the shower head and saw a box with plenty of buttons, but pushing them didn't do anything. OH good grief, I almost have a bachelor's degree in college but I couldn't figure out how to turn on a shower! So I threw my clothes back on and headed down the stairs to find my sweet (and forgiving) Aidan. "Honey, I  can't figure out how to turn on the shower... Can you help me??" I called.  "No bother, love!" he answered, and followed me back up the stairs. Turns out, I hadn't noticed the string hanging near the shower from the ceiling. He showed me that I had to pull the string which turns on the water to the shower. (Well geez, I'm learning something everyday around here!) From there, I had to push the on/off button on this box by the shower head and the water came on. Poor Aidan must think his girlfriend is daft. But at least now I could at least know how to get clean! The other thing I noticed that was different, was the bi-fold type glass door on the side of the tub. I had seen shower doors, sure -- but they closed up the whole space. This door folds up very compact up to the wall at the head of the tub, and unfolds when you need it; it opens up to about the halfway point of the tub length. I loved that didn't take over the space entirely -- when it's put away, it leaves the room feeling quite open, visually. The window in the bathroom is also very large -- and by the way, no screens on the windows. That was new for Jillian. I had gotten used to it in Germany years ago, but she's terrified of bugs getting in. We truly haven't seen but only a couple so far. And the doors and windows have levers, not knobs. Love it. In fact,  I remember thinking about this years ago in Germany, and now I'm thinking about it again -- I'd love to replace all my doorknobs at home with levers.

After the very-refreshing shower, I went back to our room to get ready. I had to dry my hair. Once again, I had come prepared -- I bought a dual-voltage hair dryer so as not to have to need a power converter. But our room didn't have a free outlet -- so I went to Jillian's room to dry my hair. I plugged it into the adapter and into the wall, remembering to flick on the outlet switch (See? I can learn!) I started drying my hair. I quickly noticed that the hair dryer was getting awful hot and smelling funny. Hmmm. I looked down the barrel and saw the heating element fire hot!! Holy crap! I turned it off and smelled smoke. Yikes. What had I done NOW??? After a lot of checking, I realized that the dryer wasn't instantly switched to the other voltage --- I was supposed to turn a little, tiny dial that needed a screwdriver. Well I didn't have one and Aidan was next door, so next best thing? I ran down to the kitchen and found a butter knife, took it upstairs, switched the little dial, and once again, I was "suckin' diesel' and could safely dry my hair, without burning the house down. Good grief.

Back to our room. At home I'm used to getting ready in the bathroom, but here there is a dressing table in the bedroom. There are no outlets in the bathroom for a curling iron nor is there a large mirror or counter space. I was thrilled with the dressing table Aidan provided for me, with angled mirrors and drawers. I plugged in my curling iron after unplugging Aidan's iPhone clock thing (sorry honey) ... and proceeded to get ready for the wedding. Jillian was already off with her new-found friends at Sheenagh's.

I still couldn't get over the beautiful weather, either. Gazing out the window while I did my hair, I soaked in the sun and the breeze. Where is all this famous Irish rain??? I was sure it would be raining everyday! What gorgeous temps too, only in the 60s. Heaven. When we left Michigan, it was in the 90s and humid. I will happily take this kind of weather every single summer, thank you!

If I must say so myself, by the time Aidan and I met up again, both dressed for the wedding, we were quite a handsome couple! MY goodness, that man made my knees weak, in his suit and tie. GORGEOUS. We went next door to see his parents and his aunt before we left, and had photos taken. I was walking on clouds!! This was so exciting for me!! Being on the arm of my gorgeous sweetheart and heading to a real, Irish wedding!! Pinch me!!

St. Malachy's in Kilcoo

Aidan's brother dropped us off at the church, which was a gorgeous building in itself, in a town called Kilcoo. People were gathering and heading in to find a seat. Aidan began to introduce me to a few friends and once again, it was as if we were long lost friends -- they are just so friendly! We walked into the beautiful church and found a seat. I swear I was dizzy with excitement. I glanced around at the women, some wearing the famous hats. Aidan whispered to me what to expect as far as standing, sitting, kneeling, and the readings. Before long the ceremony began with a woman singing Amazing Grace up in the balcony, and the bridesmaids walking down the aisle. They all walked very quickly, surprisingly, and before that song was over, the bride, too, had already made her way to the alter. Gorgeous couple, too!! The ceremony was delightful and I enjoyed the message from the priest. We exited the church afterward, and met up with another couple, riding with them to the next stop -- tea and sandwiches at a pub/restaurant. This was something new for me -- this was not the reception, but a snack time before going to the reception! It was LOVELY. After chatting with friends, we jumped back in the car once again and headed for a drive with breathtaking scenery to the reception, which was held across from a beautiful bay surrounded by green Irish hills. We entered a garden area with small tables and chairs outside for drinks and visiting. During this time, the bridal party was away getting photos elsewhere. After awhile, we were asked to enter the dining room, and we found our names on a table list and discovered we were sitting at table 1. It doesn't matter whether Aidan knows people near him or not -- he's instantly chatting and after two minutes finding out that they know the same people somehow. I love to watch Aidan in conversation.

The bridal party entered and sat at the front of the hall, with the bride and groom seated in very tall back, velvet chairs that resembled royalty. What followed was a multi-course delectable dinner, served to each guest by the hotel staff. After this delicious (and VERY filling) dinner, I began to fall fast. Aidan got me coffee, which helped, but I think the jet lag in this moment was really getting to me. Not only were my eyes very sleepy but my anxiety kicked in, I'm not sure why -- and I did my best to cover up the worsening panic attack. Between coffee, cold water, and meds, it was soon over and I began to feel more like myself. The staff at the completion of dinner, asked the guests to move back to the bar or the garden so they could prepare the room for the music and dancing. Aidan and I took a walk near the water that was just so beautiful and romantic. I just love being with him, feeling his arm around me and being able to look up at those gorgeous blue eyes of his.

Whistledown Hotel - Warrenpoint

By the time we returned to the dining room, it had been turned into a dance. Tables and chairs surrounded the center dance floor. We sat with several of Aidan's old schoolmates, and what an enjoyable time we shared with them! I was so grateful they were as welcoming to me as they were -- after all I didn't share any history with them at all, but they happily included me in conversation and laughs. What wonderful people!!! And the dancing --- OH the dancing. Before Aidan and I even had a chance to dance, one of his friends came to me and whisked me off to the dance floor. What a hoot!! I had a ball. And for the rest of the night, Aidan and I danced together, fast songs, slow songs, 80s songs, yelling out familiar lyrics at deafening levels with the rest of the crowd -- what a blast!! I LOVE to dance -- and being able to share that with the man I love was HEAVEN!!!

Carlingford Lough - Warrenpoint

We took another walk outside for air and came back in to discover a table set up in the middle of the dance floor full of sandwiches and sausages. Really?? More food?? I was stunned. I'd never seen this at a wedding!! Sure enough -- it was another tasty bunch of foods, and after a bit it was all cleared up and the lights dimmed again for more dancing. OH the dancing. As tired as I was, I didn't want it to end!! We were having so much fun. As it went though, the party wound down early (for Irish standards) at 12:30a-1a. And the sky outside was still fairly light! Crazy! We rode home with a couple of Aidan's friends, such fun conversation. We came home and crashed fast. What a night!! Fabulous experience to attend an Irish wedding and reception and fall fast asleep with my sweetheart.

I am so thankful for this time here in Ireland and with Aidan ... and I know Jillian continues to have amazing times, as well. Every morning I wake up and think, "OH thank God, I'm still here!!" I really feel like every single day is a dream. A happy, loving dream that I never want to wake from. <3

Am I Dreaming?

Standing in Dublin airport, staring at Aidan and his sister, I could not feel the floor under my feet. I was so thrilled and totally in shock, really, that all this was happening. It didn't matter that this trip had been planned for months, and that Aidan I had talked about it every single day for weeks -- now that we were together, I needed someone to pinch me. 

Right away, Aidan took over pushing our buggy full of luggage, sweet guy that he is. We happily chatted, all of us, and I instantly felt a connection to his sister. It was as if I'd known her all along. Jillian was such a joy to watch, as well. There was hardly any hesitation on her part -- she happily chatted along with Aidan and Fionnuala, and was visibly happy to be here. As a mother, I think anyone would have a concern about this situation: Little girl out of her country for the first time, a long flight, lots of walking, landing in another culture over 3000 miles from everything she'd ever known (except for me) -- on top of that, meeting the man she knows her mom wants to spend her life with. She could have reacted a hundred different ways. But my daughter has my adventurous side, and she is learning to take risks and learning that there is a beautiful world outside of her comfort zone. I am so proud of the way she's handling this adventure! And to see Aidan look at her, and immediately care for her, looking out for her and loving her -- that is a priceless gift to me, and to my daughter. More precious than Aidan will ever be able to understand. 

We walked out of Dublin airport and to the parking lot. My head was spinning! I was trying to notice everything around me -- and I was so thankful for fresh air! My gosh -- I was so tired of being so hot after power walking through three airports. And the air I was breathing was IRELAND. (I have been here for ten days already and I STILL can't fathom this reality.) We found Fionnuala's car and I prayed all of our stuff would fit in it! I told her I'd happily walk next to the car if I had to -- we had a good chuckle about that. But before long, we managed to get everything in. And Jillian was in seventh heaven -- SHE got to ride in the front seat! In America, there are laws against children riding in the front; they have to be 12 years old and/or a certain weight. In Ireland, no such law. She was so excited!! Plus, they drive on the other side of the road and the driver is on the other side of the car -- it really felt funny, as if we were inside a mirror. I have admit, though -- during that first car ride, I wasn't paying half as much attention to the new driving experience as I was to Aidan. My goodness, how I'd missed him. I was just so thankful to be able to see him again after so many months!

Fionnuala drove out of Dublin as Jillian and I tried to take it all in -- the sights, the buildings, the green, being on the other side of the road. My mind bounced from being amazed at our surroundings, to being very aware at the awesomeness of holding Aidan's hand and being able to lean over and kiss him every time I wanted to. While I always knew we'd be together again -- the separation seemed to go on forever and I was so longing to be near him again. Finally finally finally, we were in the same car. 

Jillian was taking more in than just the car ride and sights out the window: She became instantly enthralled with Fionnuala. What a fun girl she is!! We were in stitches laughing at her comments and conversations! I watched Jillian drink up everything Fionnuala poured out -- I don't see my daughter like that very often -- she was literally falling in love with Aidan's sweet sister before our eyes -- and Fionnuala was just adorable and loving to Jillian. We hadn't even been in this country for an hour and already my heart was overflowing with emotion, so thankful for Aidan and his sister, and this amazing opportunity to have them in our lives. 

Aidan, knowing me so well, offered that we stop for coffee. We had already crossed over into Northern Ireland by this time, and his sister pulled into a place called The Five Ways Filling Station in Newry, and in we went. Aidan got me a caramel latte, and himself a coffee, while Jillian was already off with Fionnuala in the adjoining convenience store. He and I found ourselves adding sugar to our coffees, which cracked me up. It's one thing that I love my coffee sweet, but it was added bliss to see my Irish sweetheart the same way. I told him it was no wonder we were so in love with each other -- so much in common! 

From there, we ended up at McDonald's. Yes, you read that right. Little Miss Jillian asked to go there, and even though I told her no way, we didn't come all this way to go to McDONALD'S for heaven's sake, Auntie Fionnuala was already spoiling this new little girl rotten and drove straight there! It was so sweet of her to do so. I have to admit, though, it was humorously interesting even for me to experience McDonald's, the Irish version. Ronald McDonald has a completely different face. And they serve onion rings! I was too wired with adrenaline to even think about eating yet, but the rest of them had

something. 

The drive to Leitrim where Aidan's from and where we're staying was absolutely stunning. The hilly, curvy roads and gorgeous green fields, famous stone fences and the Mourne Mountains in the distance completely took my breath away. And sheep! Seeing sheep on the hills just made my heart leap. These visions have only been dreams of mine and now it was all coming true. Priceless. Speechless. Just speechless. 

It was a surreal moment when the car pulled into the row of houses that I had seen a dozen times on Google Earth. It was like a screenshot came to life right in front of me. I am thankful for technology for many reasons -- and all these months it's kept Aidan and I from losing it all together --between Skype and Facebook and even Google Earth -- being able to stay in touch everyday has been a Godsend. But now, seeing it in person -- I was floored. And kind of in a happy state of shock. (Sometimes I think I still am!) We got out of the car and once again I found myself literally inhaling the fresh, Irish, country air. We went in to meet Aidan's parents and his lovely Aunt Ann. What a joy they all were, and so warm, loving, and welcoming to Jillian and I!! I had already been fighting back tears just seeing the countryside -- but seeing Aidan's sweet family was doing me in as well. I had been so thrilled at the prospect of meeting them and getting to know them all better. So many people take it for granted that they can spend time with family and the family of those they love any time they choose -- for us, this is a huge gift. Being able to travel 3000 miles to another country and another culture to share the land of Aidan's birth and his family meant the world to me. Not long after, Aidan took my hand and said, "Come with me. I want to show you something." 

Through the house and out the door he led me, into the garden. And there right before my eyes stood the two lambs I'd only seen on video over the miles!! OH what precious little faces looking up at me!! It was so amazing to reach out and pet these little guys!! Hear them bleating and seeing them dance about. I am thankful that Aidan accepts my crazy passions and that he embraces me for who I am. I know I gush over silly things but I can't help it --- all of these little joys are amazing to me! I just love these little lambs. 

Aidan and Fionnuala had worked tirelessly preparing the house next door to his parents for us to stay in while we were here in Ireland for seven weeks, and they happily welcomed us in and gave us the tour. Unreal. I had never had anyone do this for me -- to prepare a house the way they had completely blew me away. They'd thought of everything: They outfitted the kitchen, had candles on the mantel above the fireplace, made beautiful beds for us, and even had new toothbrushes in the bathroom. I know I keep repeating myself, but I was just stunned at all they'd done for Jillian and I. They thought of everything we'd need to be able to walk in, unpack, and call this place home. I am just not used to anyone being so instantly generous and loving. I'd always heard about the Irish generosity and hospitality but until you experience it, words will never be enough. I can tell you with utmost certainty that there are no people on this planet like the Irish, and no land like this one. God must smile when He sees this part of His creation. I know I am constantly smiling. 

As if all of this wasn't enough to blow me completely away, there was more right around the corner -- well, right down the road. Aidan's brother Cierán and his wife Sheenagh had put on a gigantic barbecue. I don't know when I have ever seen so much food! Jillian was just thrilled to be able to play with so many kids, too! It was so lovely. I was so happy to meet more of Aidan's family and to be welcomed by all of them! Lord knows I'm still having trouble trying to remember all of their names and faces -- but what a warm and happy bunch!! Sheenagh's parents came and many of her siblings and their kids -- my gosh what an amazing family. She herself is a twin, and there is another set of twins in her family as well -- all in all eight children. And Ciarán and Sheenagh, of course, have the twin boys, nearly three years old, Padraig and James! I have fallen completely in love with them -- they are hysterical, little red heads who rarely slow down! They love to play with Jillian, too -- it's so funny to watch them all together! Aidan's other brother, Declan, and his wife Clare were also there, and their two year old, Fionn, such a gorgeous little boy. I had only seen them on Skype -- and finally now, everyone I got to meet in person! What a blessing this gathering was to us. What a blessing. I still remember sitting there, taking it all in, thinking to myself how amazing it would be to have these sweet people around in my life all the time. I can't fathom it! I already love them like my own family. 

After quite awhile, I was beginning to feel the effects of very little sleep. We headed to our new little home to unwind after a VERY exciting day. Jillian immediately was at home here -- she was not going to have to get used to anything -- this was just her place to be and she loved it. She loves the room they made for her so much. We got her settled in and Aidan and I finally found our first few minutes all alone together in the living room. We were able to sit back and really take it in, that were FINALLY together. It was HEAVEN to stare into this gorgeous blue eyes, feel his hands cup my face and then his long, sweet kiss again, after WAY too long. Aidan then told me he'd be back, and off he went next door to his parents. I sat here, just feeling the happiness that had overtaken me. 

Aidan came back in, and handed me a little black box. I think I forgot to breathe in that moment. I opened the box and there before me was a stunning, diamond, Claddagh ring. He asked me to try it on. I wanted to be sure to put it on the correct way, because Claddagh rings signify whether a girl is available or spoken for. I was shaking so heavily as I slipped this gorgeous ring on my finger, tears stinging my eyes. What a precious heart my sweet Aidan has. I just couldn't believe we were sharing this moment -- truly this was a dream. We fell into such an embrace, sharing our true love for one another and just being ever so thankful for what we had in each other and for this amazing reunion. The word "happiness" isn't even enough for us. We are just overflowing with gratitude and appreciation for all of this. 

For the rest of my life, seeing this ring on my hand will take me immediately back to this dream, every second of it, and will remind me how precious time is and to be thankful for every moment Aidan and I get to share together. So in love are we. <3

Sweet Irish Bliss

It has been almost a week since I left America to arrive here in Ireland, and SO much has happened since I got here!! I can only hope and pray I remember it all and am able to share it here ... My heart is bursting and I am nearly always flooded with emotion as I take in so many new and wonderful experiences ... <3

As I sit here now, in our little Irish kitchen, with the fridge quietly
buzzing, Jillian busy creating her new sparkly cat craft we picked up the other day in New Castle, I still can't fully believe I'm really here. In the months before I left home, I tried to condition myself to be able to, once here, completely slow down and take in every tiny detail, appreciate this new and wonderful environment, and most of all, cherish every second Aidan and I have together after being apart for so long... Oh sweet Aidan. My heart is so completely his.

The morning we left was a tad on the chaotic side. I'd stayed up till almost 3am trying frantically to get as much schoolwork done as possible, because for me, my term doesn't end until tonight, and I knew once we'd arrived, it would be full speed ahead with very little downtime --- after all, the very next day was my first Irish wedding! So waking up on Wednesday morning last week, I was immediately aware of my very tired eyes. I lay there in bed for a few minutes, looking around my room, at the emptiness on the other side of my bed, realizing that in a few hours I would no longer be alone but be lovingly reunited with my true love. In Ireland. I found myself saying that out loud in the last months but truly finding it so hard to believe! So finally, I jumped up from bed and got moving, getting coffee and walking around the house trying to remember everything I needed to do before we left. My brain was so scattered. The packing was mostly done, but I was leaving my sons for seven weeks, the longest I'd ever been away from them, and my heart was sad for that. I wanted to make sure they had everything they needed and that they were at peace with this whole situation -- even though we'd discussed it at least a hundred times before. Over coffee, I glanced through Facebook posts -- literally dozens of them -- my loving American family and friends wishing us well and safe travels, my new Irish family and friends already sharing their excitement to meet us. It was so overwhelming for me to feel such an outpouring of shared happiness -- and on both sides of the Atlantic, no less. I was, and continue to be, so thankful for all of it.

The time was flying by. I still had errands to run, a shower to take, last minute goodies to pack ... My daughter to get ready ... It was so crazy! I wanted to be on the plane and in the air on one hand, but I was scared I was forgetting something and overlooking important matters in all of my frenzy, on the other. And every little while, with my mind racing, the kids in and out, my mom calling on the phone wondering what time we should leave, the dog pacing, knowing his 'mommy' was headed off again somewhere, the ex texting to come see Jillian and say goodbye ... In the midst of all of that, a peace and calming would sweep over me like a breath of fresh air: The realization that this dream of flying to Ireland to be with Aidan was finally happening.

Somehow we were finally in my parents' car and headed over the Bluewater Bridge to Canada. We had a three hour drive to Toronto to the airport. I was slightly nervous that our bags were too heavy and that we'd have to pull stuff out and not take it, or that even though I'd read the carryon allowances a zillion times, that we'd be told we had too much. Not sure why I even stressed over this little stuff because if someone had told me I had two minutes with no warning to jump on a plane to go see Aidan, I wouldn't have even thought about grabbing a jacket or shoes if it meant I could be with him sooner!

After a bit of a drive, we came into the airport area and looked for a parking garage, unfortunately quite a walk from where we needed to be, especially hauling heavy bags. Somehow we made it to the Air Canada desk to check bags but by that time, I was sweating like crazy! I was so relieved to see the clerk not bat an eye at our suitcases but just check them and ok our passports and tickets. This was it! We were about to embark on one amazing journey. It was time to head over through the REALLY long and slow security line, but first we had to say our goodbyes. I was so relieved to see that my mom was at peace about this trip -- she is one to worry A LOT, but she'd prayed about this and finally ok with us leaving, and happy that Aidan and I would be together after all this time. Big hugs and kisses and waving as we walked away ... And then Jillian and I turned the corner toward the line and looked at each other. Before I could say anything, Jillian piped up and announced, "Well? There's no turning back now, Mom!" OH this girl cracks me up. ;-)

But good Lord was that line painful to stand through. The line was miles long and slower than slow. We both had two carryon bags, Jillian wore a hat and I had a pashmina on .. we were ROASTING with no choice but to just suck it up and deal. By the time we made it to security I think we'd waited almost an hour. We pulled out our laptops and one-quart baggies full of our liquids, gels, and creams, and piled it all in the checkpoint trays on the security belt and walked through the X-ray archway.

And then, I got pulled over by a guard as my bags went through the X-ray machine.

Ugh.

I was asked to step aside ... and I was trying to keep my hand on Jillian (airports are no places to lose sight of a child!) The woman sifted through my backpack and pulled out ... MY DULCIMER TUNING WRENCH. Really??? It was all I had not to burst out laughing. She held it up to the other guard, they hemmed and hawed. I looked at them and said, "It's the tuning wrench for my musical instrument," and I stared at them. Finally, she shrugged and shoved it back in my bag and let me go. If that's the height of the drama on this trip, we'll be fine, I said to myself, as we piled our stuff back in our bags.

Once again, by the time we made it the forty mile walk to our gate, we were sweating like pigs. I took Jillian to the restroom (and another waiting line.) After that, we found seats at a row of iPad stations with free wifi. Good! Finally I can try to chat with Aidan, right? Wrong. Free wifi but it didn't work for much! We exchanged a few words through Facebook and that was all she wrote -- couldn't get anything to work after that. Jillian already made friends with a woman across from us who was headed to Oxford to live with her sister for a couple of years. We had about an hour to wait.

When it was time to board, we gathered our pile of heavy (by now I would say ridiculous) bags and headed to the plane. When I realized how packed this plane was, I was once again stressed about where we'd put our stuff. Thank God, we were sitting next to a saint of a man with red hair. He must've noticed the look on my face as I gazed up to the packed overhead and he jumped out of his aisle seat and just started taking our bags and fitting them in! He was awesome. I thanked him profusely. Jillian moved over to the window seat and I was in the middle (three seats wide on the right side of the plane, when facing the back.) We each had our own touch screen entertainment center facing us, on the backside of the headrest of the seat in front of us. As Aidan would say, it was class.

Before we even got in the air, the red headed Brit next to us was covered up with his blue airplane blanket, a pillow under his head, his sleep mask over his eyes, and he was OUT LIKE A LIGHT. The drink cart came around, he slept through it. The dinner cart came through, he slept through it. We fell asleep for about three hours, thankfully. Then Jillian had to go to the restroom. I looked at the sleeping Brit and back at her. Uh oh. Now what. I touched the guy's arm. Nothing. I shook his arm slightly and kept saying, "Sir? Pardon me, sir?" FINALLY he jolted half awake and I told him my daughter needed to get out to go to the restroom. He never moved the eye mask, he just mumbled 'sure climb over.' ?? I looked at Jillian, shrugged and told her, "well girl, I guess climb over!" And off she went, climbing over this sleeping stranger. By the end of that flight, she'd climbed over and back three times but it wasn't until he got up himself that I finally got up myself. I just couldn't bring myself to straddle a stranger in an airplane!!! Bladder bursting or not.

We saw the sun come up over the clouds. My heart was beating out of my chest. We were about to land in London at Heathrow International Airport. I still had a few hours till I could finally see Aidan in Dublin, but we were finally in the same time zone at least! We had a continental breakfast and prepared for landing. I'm telling you, by this time I could barely contain myself. I was tired, but wired. I'm glad I got a few hours of sleep because I knew I'd be feeling it later!!

When we landed, Mr Sleepy Brit took down all of our bags. I mentioned to him that I was impressed with his ability to sleep through everything and that he must've truly beat jet lag. He said he travels so much that he has it down to a science by now. We headed off the plane and through the long corridor and into the airport. It was very quiet as it was only 6:30am-ish. We followed signs to connecting flights and holy moly, it was another forty miles through this airport! Luckily our bags were checked through to Dublin so at least we didn't have to deal with suitcases too. We went through customs without a hitch, but we had to get our mugshot. The customs agent asked where we were going, I told her Dublin. She asked if we would be staying there, I said no, that we were being picked up by my boyfriend and going back to Northern Ireland. She asked if he was on holiday too, I explained that he was home from living in the States for several years. She said, "Oh, so he's British."

??

That really irked me, because I don't think of Aidan as British. He's Irish. And I know the whole story of the British vs. Irish in Northern Ireland and yes I have an opinion of it, but I'm also not stupid enough to start something at customs. (haha). So I held it together and answered, 'Well yes, theoretically I guess he is British." That was interesting.

Poor Jillian, her legs started to hurt, those blasted growing pains. We didn't have any water, either, to take meds, so we just kept walking. What a trooper. She was holding back tears. We found out soon enough that we had yet another mile long line to go through for a security check AGAIN. Jillian was miserable but she held it together. After that long mess and yet another mugshot (and no issues), we kept walking until we found a shop to buy water. I hadn't exchanged any money yet and had no time to do so, I just used my debit card. Got my girl some water for meds and headed to a clear area off to the side to sit down. She literally laid on the floor with tears. My heart broke for her. I sat there and massaged her legs, our carryons gathered around us, waiting for the meds to kick in. It was beautiful airport, by the way, but when your little girl is in pain, you don't notice too much. The meds finally took the edge off and she was able to start walking again. We passed a toy store, actually dozens of shops -- but no time to stop. At this point I had no idea how far the other terminal was -- the pilot notified us that we had landed in the "new" terminal 2 and our connecting flight with Aer Lingus was in Terminal 1. We walked And walked And walked. Holy freaking moly.  When we found our gate, it was boarding! Thank God we didn't miss it. The gate clerk called certain rows on the mic, and then looked at me and called me forward. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, you haven't called our row section yet," to which he answered "It's ok, you look like you need to board." He had such a sympathetic, kind look on his face. I was grateful. Being one of the first on the plane, we had time to get our stuff in overhead and to get comfortable without feeling so rushed. Jillian's fog was lifting and she started getting really excited. I was getting REALLY excited. Aidan here we come!!!

It was a smaller plane so we felt a little more turbulence, but barely anything to write about. It was such short flight that by the time we were in the air, we were descending again. We saw beautiful land below us very quickly and were soon told that we were over Cardiff, Wales. My head was spinning. This was it. This was REALLY it. It finally was beginning to hit me that my sweet love and his sister would be waiting for us to walk out of the baggage claim area in Dublin airport. Oh be still my beating heart!

We saw Ireland as we landed and snapped photos through the airplane window. Jillian and I had the giggles. We were just so excited. Gathered our stuff and headed out of the plane once again. We followed signs for baggage and ended up at immigration/customs, and we were basically alone. It seemed everyone else had UK or EU passports and headed to a different area. We spoke with a customs agent and it was very quick. I had had a concern about traveling with my daughter, as far as having the right notarized permission from her father and whether or not I'd be questioned as to why we're traveling out of the country, but thank God, no issues at any of the three borders (Canada, UK, Ireland.) From Customs we were released into the baggage area. I was still surprised at how quiet things had been in both London and Dublin airports, but it was early on a weekday morning. I had time to spruce up and powder my nose, grab some gum, and try to get a luggage buggy. That was hilarious. I could NOT free one from another. There were 500 sitting there like shopping carts, all pushed into each other. A person would walk up and pull on one and it would come out and they'd walk away, but every time I tried it, I'd get two!! UGH. It was frustrating. Another woman, I noticed, was having the same luck. She was Irish. We had such a laugh over this. FINALLY I got one out and then another for this woman who was very grateful. What an adventure.

Jillian and I watched for our suitcases, which made it in one piece! Woot! We hoisted everything onto the buggy, and we turned to face this giant blackened glass that stood between my true love and I, and I paused. I just had to breathe and take the moment in. On the other side of that door ahead of me, was Aidan and his sister. I knew when I went through the door, I'd see him standing behind the rope. Breathe in, breathe out. Finally I headed through that door and my eyes were already glazing over holding back tears -- I hadn't even caught a glimpse of him yet. Through misty tears, my eyes scanned the crowd as I pushed this heavy buggy forward -- and there he was. OH dear Lord what a sight for sore eyes!!!! I started moving faster to get past the roped off area, and he walked in my direction. It was heaven. As soon as we were within touching distance, and with Jillian right at my side, I dropped my hands from the buggy handle and threw my arms around this sweet man. OOOOOOOOOOOH there are not words for what this reunion felt like. I was holding back tears and couldn't get close enough to him. It was heaven to be in his arms again!!! We kissed and hugged like there was no tomorrow. I finally had to let go long enough to meet his sweet sister, Fionnuala, and introduce my daughter. What a sweet, sweet reunion. I truly had the feeling that I was home. I was home in Ireland. And as crazy as that sounds, it makes sense in my head. My heart belongs to Aidan, my Irish sweetheart. This is his home. And I'm at home wherever he is. I knew from that point on that I would call two lands my home: America and Ireland.

Remembering to Breathe

Five more days. Just five more days!! 

I can't believe it. I hear myself saying it, I talk with Aidan about it, I watch the countdown clock on our blog and on my iPhone....But I can't believe it's finally just around the corner that I will be in the arms of Aidan once again. Today Aidan told me someone had asked him if he remembered when we were saying, "Just 65 more days!" We are SO excited about being able to be together next week!!! Five more days.

SO ... I have begun to pack! The other night I opened my suitcase and began to pull out all the clothes I planned on taking ... I am using the 'roll method' to pack and it's amazing how much you can fit in a suitcase that way. Problem is, you can fit a lot in a suitcase that way. Which means I'm tempted to take far more than I really need (again) and then I'm lugging a really heavy bag around. What's worse is that if my bag is over 50 lbs, I will be charged a crazy amount of money at the airport -- which I refuse to face. The other problem is, I realized that my suitcase is heavy --- EMPTY. That's NOT good. I may just have to suck it up and buy another one. I'm definitely going to repack over the next couple of days, seriously considering what I can get by with instead of what more can I shove into every nook and cranny of that suitcase. (And even more funny? My wellies aren't even in it yet!)

Today I bought a few things at the grocery. I decided to pick up tortillas, taco seasoning mix, and a handful of spices I'm afraid may not be available there (can you say, ground cumin?) I will cook Mexican for Aidan's family. My friends aren't too sure they will have a taste for it, it is truly very different than Irish cuisine -- but it's something we have all the time here, so why not share it? I also picked up 15 boxes of my favorite vitamin infused fruit water powder. I know, I know. That's a lot. They're little tiny powder packets that I add to my bottled water everyday and they have B vitamins which help my energy levels. Dumped out of the boxes, they all fit into a gallon ziplock bag and will lay flat in my suitcase between clothes. No worries! Creature comforts.

All the things I kept saying I'd do before I fly to see Aidan have come crashing into a procrastination/too busy with college work pile at my feet. Really hoped to have lost more poundage before the flight, but not so lucky. (Lost some, just not enough as planned.) Still haven't had the giant yard sale (might happen this coming weekend.) Never finished cleaning out the basement. Or the bathroom linen closet. Or painted my bedroom or living room or side door. All I can think of is being with Aidan. None of it seems important anymore. All that matters is getting everything ready to go and getting my little girl and myself on that flight to the Emerald Isle!

Two looming events that stood between us and leaving were two straight days of field trips for Jillian, and the last day of school. I'm pleased to announce those are all completed! When I picked her up from school today -- my very proud now-fifth grader -- I really felt myself let out a huge sigh of relief. Now it's just five days of prep time and we're off!

Didn't quite help matters that I landed in the doctor's office with a diagnosis of hypertension, though. I've been really healthy all my life (thank God) -- so when I was told my blood pressure was too high, I thought something had to be broken with the cuff. Sure enough -- after monitoring it at home for a week, it was high and that was worrisome. And it set off my anxiety, which I haven't dealt with in years. So, the doctor put me on a new med. And I ended up with spots in front of my eyes at random times and hefty bouts of head rush. REALLY??? Like I freaking need THIS before I'm about to fly to Ireland for seven weeks!! In fact, I was sitting in the back of Rosa Park's city bus on display at the Henry Ford Museum and I could barely see a thing. And I had to hold it together as a chaperone to two little girls. What a time it's been! Soooo back to the doctor again, and another med, and so far things seem to be MUCH better. Thank God. It's "all go" now, as Aidan would say.

I am constantly just astounded at what Aidan and his sister are doing to prepare 'our house' before Jillian and I arrive. I am just so humbled and touched by their hard work and dedication to providing us with a warm and welcoming home. They've already even been grocery shopping --- and thought of everything right down to new toothbrushes!!! I swear, I hold back tears half the time when Aidan shares this stuff. No one has ever done these things for me before. Ever. I'm usually the one handling everything for everyone else. I almost don't know how to handle it. He has such a precious heart, and I can't wait to be close to him again -- and to be able to finally spend time with his wonderful sister!!! I love her already. What a joy, this Bannon clan. What a joy!

And Jillian already has her own room there ... with a new duvet and everything! She is tickled pink. She told me today that she didn't want to wait five more days -- she is ready to go NOW. Her suitcase has been sitting in her room right in the middle of the floor for two weeks. This weekend we will start filling it, too.

Aidan was speaking about beginning our life together next week ... living together for the seven weeks in the beautiful country of Ireland, and then returning to the States together and starting here together as well. My heart was beating out of my chest, hearing him say those words. I know I've said it before, but so many times I feel like I'm imagining all of these things. And then this wonderful man voices it all to me once again and I realize that it's all for real. I'm so in love with him, I could burst!

Aidan had a chimney sweep over to our house this week, and he speaks of sitting in front of the fire and relaxing together ... or sitting out on the patio at night when Jillian is asleep, just being close and talking together. Or cuddling up and watching TV together... all of it is heaven and I can't wait to walk off that plane and into his arms. This dream is finally happening ... Just five more days <3

Seriously Bouncing Off the Walls

We are officially 15 days from leaving on a jet plane to Ireland. At this point, I can barely contain myself!! I have resisted the urge to pack, though my suitcase is at the end of my bed and I have stacks of things around my room and on my desk that are specifically for our trip. The other day, I received our Baggu bags for the flight and Jillian's passport FINALLY arrived in the mail. Over Messenger, Aidan and I decided on the dress I will be wearing to the wedding -- funny, after all I tried on in stores and even one I had shipped here from the internet, the winner happens to be something already hanging in my closet.

My random-need-to-kill-time-Pinterest-searches-because-all-I-can-think-about-is-going-to-see-Aidan have changed from Irish towns and landscapes to tips for packing for time abroad to now tips and tricks for overcoming jet lag. Granted I have traveled to Europe before, and jet lag, though a drag, has never totally kicked my arse. But this trip is a little different because the wedding we're attending is RIGHT after we arrive -- as in the very next day. It's bad enough that my sweet Aidan has to see me half dead (won't be the first time; when I arrived on his doorstep in NC, I had been awake over 24 hours and had driven 12 hours to get there!) but I will be meeting his family and friends, too! Yikes! I can only hope they are as understanding as he is about a sleep deprived girlfriend. (And poor Jillian - she's not going to the wedding, but she's cranky if she misses a couple hours of sleep. Jet lag and being thrown off 5 hours? Give that girl a pillow and a place to lay down!)

I have given up on my big plans of cleaning out the basement before I leave for the summer, and I'm crossing my fingers that I find time to have a yard sale in the next two weeks. Two weeks. HOLY MOLY we are leaving in JUST over two weeks!!!! I get these waves of realization every once in awhile. Sometimes it's real to me, and other times I think I'm dreaming it all.

I took a painting job for extra money last week, a job that should have taken me a day and a half to do -- ended up four days long. What a fiasco that was. I'm glad it's over, but I don't want to see a paintbrush for a while!! Another pre-Ireland project I'd planned was at least painting the doors and trim in my bedroom, after all I have a sweet Irishman coming home with me in August. I hope he can overlook the parts of my house that didn't get painted yet.

And then there's the wellies. Remember my beloved green wellies I found on eBay some months ago, that I happily purchased for this trip to the Emerald Isle? Well as soon as I lay them in the bottom of my
suitcase, it occurred to me that 1) they are way bigger than I thought, and 2) they are REALLY quite heavy. I got to thinking that I might be wearing them over on the plane. Then, I stumbled upon a blog written by a girl who was living abroad in England, and she was ranting and raving about her wonderful Hunter wellies -- which are (drum roll please....) PACKABLE and LIGHT WEIGHT! What???? Seriously?? They roll up small and pack very easily! And she swears they are way more comfortable than the original! Well snap. What now??? I want some!! (hear me whine!) But God knows I can't afford to spend more moolah on yet another pair of imported expensive boots. So back to eBay I went -- listed my green wellies for sale, and waited. If they sell, I told myself, I'll buy a packable pair of Hunter Tour wellies. If they don't sell, I'll probably wear them on the plane. Guess what? They sold.

Now. That should be an easy fix, right? Wrong. I was now once again faced with an array of colors to choose from, and the fact that the new Tour boots are more than double what I paid and sold my wellies for. Over a few obsessive hours, I poured over websites, eBay, coupons, rebates, you name it -- trying to find a good price on a pair and in a color I fancy. I was seriously distraught over color. I was happy with the green ones, granted green is my favorite color -- but they happened to be the most affordable I could find as well so it was a given. Well NOW I might get stuck paying more, so if I have to pay top (or nearly top) dollar, I should really put my heart and soul into choosing the right color. Don't even get me started on the time it's taken to get through this nightmare. I had first decided on black because black goes with everything and I can wear them with black leggings whether it's raining or not -- just as cool black boots. But then I got to really thinking about black and summer .... and about bright happy colors and me liking to be whimsical. Finally I decided on yellow. Besides, yellow is a color that is currently marked down on the Hunter website, anyway. :-) What a crazy ordeal I got myself
into.

THEN as if that wasn't enough. My sneakers (or trainers as Aidan calls them) are really worn out. I have two pair. One are filthy and the other have holes. Neither are appropriate for a summer away. So I once again have been pouring over eBay and store websites trying to decide on a pair of Nikes. My brother is the go-to guy for Nike, and I've called and texted him a dozen times in the last few days with pictures of shoes, hoping to be shoved in the right direction.

This all seems so ridiculously messed up, doesn't it? Half the time it will hit me, how insane this worry is, and I'll sit back in my chair and ask myself if this shoe thing is really going to matter at all once I get to Ireland and into the arms of my true love. Seriously. The style of my Nikes and the color of my wellies have absolutely nothing to do with my crazy love for Aidan and how much we missed each other, and what an amazing time we will have finally being together after all these months!!!! SHOES. Geez!! What is wrong with my head?????

You know what's wrong? I just cannot focus on anything that doesn't have to do with Aidan or our trip to Ireland. I know that sounds awful, I should be way better at multitasking and I normally am --- but this distance between us has gotten to me and we are only a few days away from leaving and I just want to be doing SOMETHING -- ANYTHING --- that has to do with heading to Ireland to be with Aidan. And if I can stare at six different colors of wellies or drive my brother nuts about Nikes to kill time before I can actually start packing, then so be it.

Soooo, yes I am going totally crazy. I am a blabbering idiot these days!! I interrupt myself, I can't think straight, I forget why I walk into rooms ... I drive through town running errands with the widest, silliest grin across my face because all I can think about is walking off that plane in Dublin and running into the arms of that sweet, loving Irishman of mine. FIFTEEN DAYS!!!!!!!! <3