Home Sweet (American) Home

The Monday before Aidan was to fly into Michigan, I was officially diagnosed with pneumonia. The timing was ... not so great. While my head congestion was about gone, I was very easily exhausted and up coughing during the nights, so my energy level to get everything just so was dying fast. As for my mile long list of things to finish, I crossed everything out but the bare essentials (bedroom ready, bathroom cleaned, groceries bought, vacuum main floor.) Even though I was sick, I was still flying high emotionally. I COULD NOT believe Aidan was finally coming home to Michigan to me.

Tuesday evening, Aidan's family gathered at his brother Ciarán's house for a "leaving party." I was truly saddened once again at the thought of his family and himself having to say goodbye yet again. I knew their most pressing concern was that he wouldn't come back to Ireland for years again. He continued to promise that we would return far sooner than later. Over Skype I was able to see the twins once more as they told me Uncle Aidan was going to America to see me. So smart for three years old! After the party, Aidan said tearful goodbyes to his parents and to his Aunt Anne, before driving off with his sister to spend the night at her house. She was to drive him to Belfast City Airport early Wednesday morning.

Tuesday night late, (actually Wednesday morning around 1am), Aidan skyped me for the last time from Ireland after he'd woken up at his sister's house. I hadn't gone to bed yet -- I was hoping to hear from him. As sad as we were about his family goodbyes, we could barely sit still when we realized that only in a matter of hours we'd be together in Detroit Metro airport. We chatted for a few minutes before he had to get off and go get ready. I bid him safe travels and we hung up. I turned out the light and tried to close my eyes for a little bit of sleep.

Before I really fell into dreamland, the phone rang again around 2:30am, and this time Aidan was with his sister at the airport, killing time. She was very teary. I wished I could have reached through the phone and given her a big sisterly hug. She told us that next time she made it to the airport, she'd be the one flying. She'd had enough of taking us to airports and leaving in tears after heartfelt goodbyes. I was thrilled at the thought of her coming to visit us here in Michigan! OH that would be such an hysterical blast! We said goodbye once more and hung up. I went online and created a text alert for Aidan's flights, so I'd be notified at delays, takeoffs, and landings. I once again turned off the light and tried to sleep.

Not long after that, the phone rang again, this time it was Fionnuala calling from the car. She had left Aidan and was on her way back. Poor girl sounded devastated. My heart hurt for her. I remember when my own brother left the state to live in Arizona when I was a kid, and he's never been back to live here since. Even separated by only several states, and not the Atlantic, I was devastated at being away from my brother. I could only imagine how she must be feeling now that Aidan was leaving to return to the States. We had a bittersweet conversation, sharing her sadness about the goodbyes, but her happiness in that he and I would be reunited soon, and about our upcoming wedding. She reminded me how fond she and the family had become of Jillian and I, and that we are truly considered family, already. It felt so good to hear that, and to be able to tell her once more how much I loved all of them. Our call was cut short by a bad signal on her end, but we would keep in touch on Facebook throughout Aidan's travels. I miss her everyday.

As soon as I closed my eyes again, the phone rang. Aidan had landed in London Heathrow, but had to complete an internet visa waiver form before boarding. I frantically grabbed my MacBook and went to bat for him. I glanced at the time and it was only minutes before that plane was due to take off for Chicago. We hung up so I could finish up the form, and I sent him a message when it was completed. I heard nothing back. I stared at the clock and checked the flight tracker map online, praying he'd made it on the plane. Talk about tension!!



By the time the sun came up,  I had barely had two hours of sleep and decided to take the morning easy because of being sick. I wasn't planning to leave town for the airport till around 7pm, anyway. It felt good to just lay around and relax, daydreaming about being with Aidan again and continuing to keep an eye on the flight tracker screen, watching his plane moving across the Atlantic, then across Canada, then eventually angling in to land in Chicago.

I slowly got moving, finished up the cleaning, ran a few errands, deep cleaned my car, dropped Jillian off with my parents and went back home to shower and get ready to go. I got a text from the flight tracker that the plane landed in Chicago, and I was DYING to hear from Aidan. His siblings were messaging me off and on all afternoon, hoping that I'd heard something. I was thankful to hear from all of them -- it helped to share the concern and excitement with my new family. After an hour or more since the plane landed, I was pacing. I still hadn't heard anything. I became a bit frantic. Praying, trying to answer all the messages, and telling myself to think positive, like Aidan always does. Customs shouldn't have been an issue, but with any international travel, there is always that odd chance that something could go wrong. By that point, I was driving myself crazy, and opted to jump in the shower. Can you believe it --- as soon as I was full of shampoo under the water, the phone rang. I missed it, but heard the voicemail notification. I finished up quickly and listened -- sure enough it was Aidan from a pay phone!! Right away, he called again. I was THRILLED to hear his voice!! Everything was fine -- customs all went fine, and on top of that, the customs agent knew Port Huron because he almost got stationed here!! Talk about a small world!! OH sweet relief. FINALLY Aidan was about to be on the final flight to Detroit. It's funny how quickly the hours flew that afternoon, with all the tension and excitement! In the end, I actually found I was running a few minutes behind schedule by the time I finally grabbed a coffee and hit the road. The weather was good, the traffic was low, the sunset over Detroit was gorgeous. I was FLYING HIGH with anticipation!!!!

I received a text notification that the plane from Chicago had been delayed by over 25 minutes, but that it did depart. Here I'd thought I was going to be getting there exactly at the same time Aidan would be, but as it turned out, I arrived really early! I parked in short term parking and made my way to the baggage claim area. I think I was walking on clouds! I chatted with my mom for a bit over the phone and sat down in a nearly-empty baggage area to wait. There were only three or four people milling around -- it was like a ghost town! Thankfully, Facebook and our friends and family all over the globe kept me company while I waited. Without them, I'm afraid I would have climbed the walls!!! I was going CRAZY. It really was funny to chat with everyone, and to see that I wasn't the only one anticipating Aidan's arrival!

Finally the time had arrived, and Aidan's plane landed. I was a lunatic by that point. There were two escalators descending into baggage and I had no idea which side he'd be coming from. His brother Declan had asked that I video his arrival, and I was bound and determined to catch it on my iPhone! I waited. And waited. And watched dozens of people claim their luggage, and several sweet reunions. Still no Aidan. OH good grief. I swear I felt six more hairs turn gray!! I flagged down a worker and asked which escalator he'd be due to come down and found out I was on the wrong side of the room all together!! Figures. I made my way over to the right one, and my eyes scanned faces looking for my sweetheart. FINALLY -- I saw him coming down the stairs!!! I began to jump up and down, iPhone and all! Before long, he was coming toward me and we fell into each other's embrace. It was heaven!!!! OH I'd missed him SO MUCH. I know it was only three weeks since we'd left each other in Dublin, but it seemed like eternity! We stopped to take a reunion selfie and I discovered that with all my jumping around, I had deleted the video. OH well. At least we were together at last! We gathered his luggage and headed out together to find the car.

Together.  Finally together -- without a deadline, without a looming date ahead of us when we must once again say goodbye. Now we were on our way in a new chapter of our life together ... On our way home. <3

One More Day

Well, we will have survived three weeks come tomorrow, since Aidan and I parted in Dublin airport and Jillian and I flew back home, after spending seven glorious weeks together on Irish shores. And, come tomorrow, Aidan and I will reunite again, this time in Detroit Metro airport. "Parting is such sweet sorrow," as Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet. "Reuniting is sweet joy," quoth I.

Each time Aidan and I have been together, whether for a few days or several weeks, there has always been a date or time looming in front of us like a silent, ticking clock -- a cloud on the horizon reminding us that we must part yet again. This time, though, there will be no such ticking clock. This time, we will be able to go hand in hand into the future together. That realization repeats over and over in my mind, I'm trying to let it sink in. I think it's going to take awhile before it really does. I sure like the sound of it, though!

Oh, the big plans I had to get things "just right" around here before Aidan's arrival. A week ago, I came down with a horrific cold that completely slowed me down. Well, it got worse -- yesterday I was diagnosed with pneumonia. Pneumonia!! Seriously!!?? Who has time for THAT? Surely not THIS girl! Thank God for strong meds. I'm finally beginning to feel better, even though I didn't sleep well last night and I was up before the sun -- but here I am, only one day between now and when Aidan arrives here in Michigan -- and a long list of what I DIDN'T get accomplished. Of course in the giant scheme of things, nothing matters except finally being together again, but dang it! There was so much to do. I will try to squeeze in as much as possible today, finishing cleaning around the house, grocery
shopping, school supply shopping for the kids -- they start a week from today -- Ugh. So much to do. But pneumonia will only allow me to have so much energy and I can only push myself so far before I make myself more sick, so yeah, yeah, baby steps.

There are so many things I can't wait to share with Aidan. While I cannot say that my hometown is my favorite place on earth, we do have beautiful lakes and rivers and interesting little restaurants and some fun music festivals coming up soon. Quiet drives up the lake to little villages with quaint downtowns and relaxing walks along the shoreline ... Places I've gone to find inspiration or rejuvenation or just time to think and breathe when I needed to get away, all places I look forward to sharing with my love. I can't wait to see him joking with my dad, sharing his many interesting stories with my mom, watching the little ones light up at his antics. Kids are drawn to Aidan. He is a big ball of fun. Who am I kidding. I am drawn to Aidan. There is just something magnetic about him.

While I don't want to even begin to think about the cold winter months here in Michigan quite yet, (after all, Fall is my all-time favorite time of year and I can't wait to share that coziness with my fiancé--) I can't imagine how Aidan will take to it. Of course he's been in bitter cold before, he's spent time in Maine and New York in the winter, some years ago. But in recent years, Michigan winters have gotten brutal. Ireland has cold and damp winters, but not below zero temps, crazy ice and mounds of snow. Aidan is not a fan of the cold. We will need to find Aidan some toasty sweaters and warm, insulated boots! But seriously -- I'm even daydreaming about playing in the freshly fallen snow with him and recovering under a shared blanket with hot cocoa back inside the house. Even the most dreariest of days sound delicious when spent together.

But dreary is not a way to describe tomorrow. Tomorrow is another little slice of heaven. Finishing up a few last minute things around the house and then I'll be off like a rocket (well, within acceptable speed limits) to the airport to wait for Aidan's plane to land. I can't wait!!!

Another Countdown

Three days and twenty-one hours till Aidan lands in Detroit .... 

The last two and a half weeks since I came home are a blur. It's gone from sadness and longing to be back with Aidan in Ireland and missing his family, to dreaming about our little wedding, to walking around my house with a new perspective: Aidan is going to be here. In just a few days, I will be jumping in my car to go pick him up at the airport. I can't even believe it when I see the words here on the screen.

We've spent time together in North Carolina last year, where he'd been living before he went home to Ireland. We've now spent the summer together in Ireland with friends and family. But we've never spent time together in Michigan, except over Skype. It seems kind of funny to me now, to say that. Especially since he's not only coming to Michigan, but he's about to call this home. I walk around my house and try to picture him here, sharing morning coffee and talks like we did in Ireland. I imagine the way we're going to juggle the TV time with the kids. I look at the pieces of furniture from Ikea and chuckle, because I can only imagine how much he's going to love them (not). I want him to feel at home here. I hope he finds it easy to do, like I did when I got to Ireland. I look forward to being able to call this "our house" instead of "my house." I love the idea of sharing all of life with Aidan.

Oh this house. There are so many things that aren't finished here. This house has been an ongoing project since we moved in three years ago. The floors need to be either refinished or carpeted. I had begun a total redecorating project last year but haven't quite finished all the repainting yet -- as my schooling takes up so much of my time during the year. My kitchen is sort of a clash of eras and though it functions, it's far from what it should be. Don't ask me about the bathroom floor and why half of the tile is torn off down to the subfloor. I've warned Aidan about all of this, worried about it being annoying, but he hasn't flinched. Such a good sport he is. So understanding about so much all the time. I love the heart of that man.

And then there is the worry about Aidan saying goodbye to his family in Ireland. I cannot begin to imagine how hard that is going to be in the coming few days. They've had him for nine months after being without him for so long, and now they are going to be watching him leave again. I made promises to his family that I intend to keep, in that we will be back and soon, and we will always have a backup emergency travel fund for God forbid, an emergency need there. I love them as my own family and I cannot wait to see them all again. I hope they know how much I care about them and how bad I feel about the distance that lies between this country and that one. How I wish we could all be closer.

I am over the moon about the idea of planning a little wedding here in the Fall, and while I instinctively expect everyone around me to be just as excited, I easily forget that no one here has spent time with Aidan, except over Skype! This is all so new to them, they haven't been along for the ride, so to speak, with Aidan and I. I can't wait to be able to introduce Aidan to everyone and be able to finally spend time together with Aidan and my family and friends, like we did with his family and friends this summer in Ireland. Our life together is such a journey.

And here I am, only a few days from Aidan's arrival, and I've come down with the nastiest cold ever. I have lists of things I wanted to do before he gets here, little things to finish and spruce up, shopping to do, just stuff ... and here I am, sick as a dog, not sleeping well at night and barely keeping my head up during the day. I pray this all goes away before he gets here!!

Oh well. All that matters is that Aidan will be home with me very soon. I am missing him something awful, feeling as if I'm missing half of myself. As much as I'd like to bring a welcoming party with me to the airport, I just can't do it. I want him all to myself for just a little while. I can't wait to see him walk through the door in baggage claim and be able to be close to him once more. Feels like an eternity since we were last together. The house may not be perfect, all my preparations may not get completed, but I'm ready. I just can't wait!!

In the Twilight Zone

The flight home was non eventful. The time passed quicker than I had anticipated, which was probably a good thing, though sitting there, I wished the plane would turn around and go back. I wasn't looking forward to hauling the heavy bags again, standing in line at customs, and a three hour drive back to Michigan. I missed Aidan and wished he had been able to fly home with us, at least. Part of the time, I just scrolled through photos on my iPhone from the previous few days just to remember our time there. I happened upon a video I hadn't seen or recorded myself, that began with a shot of a wooden table surface. I thought, "Um, what might this be?? Did I accidentally hit record last night?" As I watched it, I soon realized what a gift it was at this moment. Aidan's two year old nephew, Fionn, had grabbed my iPhone and managed to hit record as he walked around the kitchen. I saw my own feet and heard my voice teasing James, one of the twins, for drinking the rest of my soda, and James running off taunting me, before I'd recaptured my iPhone from Fionn. It was 30 seconds of joy for me to see, sitting on this plane almost to Canada.

We had been near the back of the plane in the aisle instead of the window this time, and while it was going to be easier to exit the plane than having to wait for someone at the end of our row to gather their belongings and head out, I had already made the decision to be the last to leave. I was in no hurry to have to haul our four heavy bags, and we didn't have a connecting flight to rush to, anyway. Taking our time also meant I could gather my thoughts and put myself mentally together before seeing my parents. I felt guilty for wanting to be back in Ireland, it wasn't that I hadn't missed my family -- I missed them a ton. I just wasn't ready for this chapter of life to end.

Sure enough, we were the last to exit and at our own pace. We made our way up and down escalators to find customs, stood in line, finally approached the desk, only to discover we had been given the wrong declaration form on the plane to fill out. Seriously?? We had to go to the back of the room, fill out a new form, and come to the head of the line. Sure, why not add another 40 minutes of wait time. By the time we got to the head of the line again, I was just wanting this day to be over. Lucky for us, no issues at customs. Though, I have to chuckle: Some of the questions on the declaration form were, "Have you spent time near or on a farm or ranch? Have you been in contact with farm or range animals? Are you carrying soil or plants from outside this country?" Ummmm, No, no way, what's a farm animal? Soil? Nah. I wasn't about to get detained because I played with some sheep and was bringing turf back to the States through Canada. No way, sorry Charlie.

Once through customs, we headed off to baggage claim. I searched for a free cart to use for our luggage and all I could find were several men offering their cart services for $10. Blast. Figures. In Dublin, the carts are plentiful, and free. Ugh. Jillian and I loaded up our wheeled suitcases with our heavy carry-ons and headed out to find my parents. We walked out of the baggage claim area and scanned the crowd for familiar faces. Sure enough, there were my parents with broad grins, waiting for us. We were finally able to reach them and got big welcoming hugs, my mom ever so thankful we'd landed safely (she's the nervous one about air travel.) It was so good to see them!

As we started to walk away to head toward the parking structure, I noticed an empty cart in the middle of the walkway, and I grabbed it. Where the heck were they all when I could've used it in baggage claim?? Oh well. Thankful to have found it when I did -- we had a LONG walk to the car!

Once we found the car and loaded up, Jillian and I got in the backseat. My mom drove away out of the parking spot and into the exiting lane of traffic and I about had a heart attack. It took me a minute to realize she wasn't pulling out into oncoming traffic  -- and I burst into laughter. I discovered that I had grown so accustomed to being on the "wrong" side of the road, that being in a car on the "right" side of the road was momentarily terrifying! How funny. I never even drove over in Ireland (though I wanted to, just didn't have the chance) -- but I rode enough to have gotten very accustomed to it. Talk about reverse culture shock!

The drive home was odd. I began to feel kind of numb, not really knowing where I was. Granted I was tired, but not overly so. It was a good visit with my parents and we stopped off for dinner where I was able to finally talk to Aidan and let him know we'd landed and were safe. It was SO good to hear his voice -- I missed him immensely. I also spoke to the boys and let them know I was on my way home to see them. Hint: Better have the house fairly clean for your mother, boys.

My heart still ached from leaving Ireland and all of Aidan's family. As we drove through my hometown and toward my house, I just felt deflated. I struggled with the fact that I missed my family and I should be happy to be home, feeling so guilty to be feeling less than ecstatic. I wished there was a way just to grab my family and take them with me back to Ireland.

We pulled into the driveway and out came Ethan, who once again looked like he'd grown a foot. Big hugs and smiles. As I started to get bags out of the car, out came PJ, my oldest, with more hugs. His friend, Paige was there too, and she was about to leave but I convinced her just to stay, no need to rush off. The boys helped carry everything into the house. It was SO good to see my boys. I had missed them. I still wish they would've been with us in Ireland.

The house. Heaven, help me.

Before I even reached the front door, I saw that everything on my huge front porch was sort of rearranged. There was a big china cabinet that belonged to the family of one of PJ's friends who had recently moved and couldn't fit it into their moving truck, just sitting on my porch. There was a good blanket off of my sofa thrown over one of the rockers and miscellaneous hoodies strewn about. If this is the outside, what must the inside look like? I felt a pang of terror. I had left two teenage boys home for seven weeks -- I didn't expect miracles. But -- they both had known me their entire lives and knew that when I come home from traveling, I totally appreciate a put-together house. Hmmmm.

I already had begun to spruce up the porch and move chairs back into place before I even went inside the house, with my mom calling after me to just stop and go in and relax. This was the problem. I was exhausted and probably overemotional anyway, but it's not like me to be able to just sit when things are in disarray. No, I'm not OCD, but my house -- my home -- is a part of me, and if it's seriously upside down, I don't feel like myself. If there was one thing I needed at this moment, it was to at least feel like myself. Because God knows, I certainly wasn't feeling like I belonged here. I didn't really know at that moment where I belonged. But I did know where I wished I was.

As soon as I opened the front door, out came our dog barreling right at me. He was overjoyed to see his mama home! I was so happy to see him too, and we sort of crashed at each other, with me landing on my behind on the porch floor, perfect level to get doggy kisses all over my tired face.

Going into the house was the strangest experience. I really felt like it was some kind of twilight zone. It didn't feel real to me. Not to mention, it was ... um ... trashed. The boys had told me how much they'd cleaned and I had heard them over the phone fighting over chores, but in this moment I realized that their version of clean and mine were not the same, bless their hearts. The funny thing was, on a normal day I'd have been fuming, to be honest, at what I'd found. But this day, I was just happy to have had such a wonderful stay in Ireland, happy I was reunited with my family, happy to be engaged to the most wonderful man on the planet, and even with the heartache of having left Ireland, I still really wasn't mad at the boys for trashing the house, at all. I was proud of them for keeping it together, for not having crazy parties in our house, for staying out of trouble, and for keeping in daily touch with their grandparents and with me. I was proud of them for those things. I was, however, itching to clean. My parents and the boys sat down and Jillian ran off to her room to see her "stuff" she'd missed all summer. I made my way to the kitchen to get drinks for the family and that's when I about fell over.

What is this ... Where did my kitchen go?

I am certain that the Swedish Chef from the Muppets had been cooking in my kitchen everyday for the last seven weeks. There was dried food splattered on the cabinets and crumbs all over the floor, dried koolaid circles on the island and an overflowing trashcan. Both sides of the sink, in the sink, and on the stove were loaded with dirty dishes. Every surface was FILTHY. I kept my smile though, somehow, and served drinks, and chatted for awhile. After a bit, my parents left, and I continued to catch up with my boys. It was so good to see them. They looked older already to me. Aidan and I bid goodnight over Skype, after a little teary chat. Then everyone headed to do their own thing for a bit as I wandered back into the kitchen. I shoved up my sleeves and began to clean.

And clean.

And clean.

Eventually I took a break, made sure Jillian was off to sleep. PJ left with Paige and Ethan was playing a game and kept apologizing for the house, thinking I was mad. I may have been cleaning like a mad woman, but I wasn't mad. I was actually, in some odd way, thankful for this huge amount of work, because it kept me from noticing my shattered heart and my longing for the green hills I had only left hours before.

Around midnight, I hopped in the car to go to the store to buy more cleaner, and to pick up some Irish tea. I desperately needed that comfort. After picking up a few things, I headed back home once again.

And cleaned.

I cleaned until 3am. Then, I came into my bedroom and completely stripped my bed, as one of my son's friends had been allowed to sleep in my room (why, I will never know, but it crushed me to know the kids thought that was a bright idea!) I then found the new bedding I'd bought at Ikea in Belfast and remade my bed before I allowed myself to sleep. Exhaustion. By the time my head hit the pillow, I had been awake over 24 hours. This should kick jet lag in the arse. Now I've completely upset the inner clock! As sad as I was to be going to bed alone without my true love, I was far too exhausted to think or feel anymore. I just fell asleep like a rock.

In the days to come, I continued to clean and put the house in order, in between family get-togethers, as my niece and family were up visiting from NC. I was so tired, but I kept pushing myself to work, work, work around the house, trying not to feel what my heart was going through. One morning, Aidan called on Skype as he does, and his daddy popped on the screen to say hello. After he walked away, I just started crying. I couldn't stop crying. I missed them so much, it was killing me.

There were things here at home that just seemed so foreign to me. Conversations between people that hit me as being harsh and judgmental. And I almost broke the toilet the first time I used it because I put all my muscle into flushing it like I did at home in Ireland. At least that made me laugh at myself.

I really spent the first week back in the States walking around in a twilight zone. I had to make myself unpack. I didn't want to wash my clothes because they still smelled like Irish laundry soap. I drank tea when I let myself feel the sadness and longing to be back home in Ireland. I was truly a wreck. It wasn't that I didn't love my family or love my home or miss my bed and my dog and my car (I did miss having a car, that's for sure!) But I felt like I had one leg in the States and one leg in Ireland, and the virtual splits I was trying to do was making me crazy. It helped to see Aidan on Skype, and it helped to know he will be coming in at the end of the month, but I still just felt so ... odd. I thought back to the days when I worked with foreign exchange students. Before they went home, we used to give them something called a "reentry orientation." We discussed things like reverse culture shock, changes in perspective after having lived in another country, becoming comfortable with your old family and friends again after being so long apart. And I realized, I, too, needed a reentry orientation. I was completely torn in two on the inside. Happy to have my family, sad to be away from Aidan and his family.

There was, however, one little brightness looming before me ... Aidan and I have begun to discuss a Fall wedding. Our plans to be soon together here have day by day helped me to get resettled, and each day, reminding myself that he'll be here soon, have drawn me out of the fog. I'm excited to get the house ready for him. I excitedly emptied an overpacked closet in my room completely, stocking it with new hangers. I've begun to stock the freezer and cupboard, and make mental lists of little things to do before he gets here. I ordered an electric kettle and a teapot on Amazon for the kitchen.

At night I pour over pictures of wedding dresses and ideas for our wedding on Pinterest, while sipping tea from one of the cups given to me by Aidan's family. I'm still a little off kilter, but I'm feeling more back to normal as the days go on. Aidan and I both decided that our first week apart was the longest week of life -- felt like a year. I'm glad to be on the other side of it, it was painful.

There are days when I still feel like the summer was a dream. I flip through photos I took in Ireland and see images of Aidan and Jillian and I together at the Irish Sea, with his sweet family, or at a castle, and realize that this was not a dream. This is our life together, the one that is still in its youth. I am thankful for all of it. <3

The Inevitable Journey Home, Well - to North America

Tuesday night. Only hours left between breathing Irish air, and flying back over the Atlantic. Only hours left ...

We came home late after the last family gathering, the night before Jillian and I would fly back home. Poor Jillian. She was nauseous -- it had grown increasingly worse at Aidan's cousin's house, and half way to Leitrim, we had to pull the car off the road because she was sick. She got sick once more at home before she finally lulled off to sleep, and I prayed by morning she'd be returned to health. Long flights are dreadful anyway -- but having the stomach flu at the same time? Hell nightmare.

While she dozed off, I was able to finish packing for the both of us. I was so tired, and trying to keep my mind on the task at hand and not the goodbyes that were ahead of me. I finally crawled into bed next to Aidan one last time after bedtime prayer together. I found it hard to sleep, because I knew once I closed my eyes, the next time I opened them it would be morning and we'd be leaving. I just don't want to go....

Don't get me wrong. I missed my family, my dog, my bed. But I felt completely at home with Aidan in Leitrim, too. I felt ... torn. Torn between the two. At least now I knew Aidan would be following me in a few weeks, but even that brought a bit of pain with it because I could only imagine how hard it would be for he and his family to say goodbye. He hadn't been back to Ireland in years, and they finally got their Aidan back, and now he'd be away again. I didn't want them to resent me for being the reason he left again, either. I love them so. Like family, I just love them to pieces.

Somehow I slept, and somehow I woke and found myself on Wednesday morning, not wanting to get out of bed. Thankfully Jillian slept all night and was feeling back to normal. Perhaps it was all the emotion that had made her sick. I was just so thankful she was well for the long day ahead.

As much as I wanted to wander down to the kitchen with Aidan and enjoy our daily morning coffee and chat as we did everyday, I knew I had little time to get ready and wrap things up before his sister came to fetch us for the airport. I got ready as fast as I could, once again trying to focus on the task instead of the bigger picture of us leaving. And somehow it all got done, everything packed up and downstairs, myself looking half human (all in black, the one outfit I hadn't had the chance to wear while there, and seemingly all too appropriate for the feeling of this day.) We finished up getting ready with enough time to have tea with Aidan's parents and aunt next door before Fionnuala arrived.

But before we walked next door through the back, there was a rap on our front door. Aidan opened the door to find a red, teary-eyed Declan. His brother had come to say goodbye one last time on his way to work. I was floored. He came in and gave me a giant bear hug, making me cry all over again. He told me how much they loved me, and that in no way could he do what I was doing -- leave after getting so close to everyone. It was so hard. I felt so cared for in that moment, by a new brother. I was again very thankful for the gift Aidan was so openly sharing with me -- the gift of his family accepting me into "their ones." (Aidan had asked me many times over the seven weeks, "Do your ones wanna be a part of our ones?" The sweet way the Irish ask you to be part of the family.) And as quick as Declan came, he was gone again, off to work. What a sweetheart for stopping by one last time.

Oh the pain. Walking next door for what I knew would be the last time. Aidan's aunt made me toast, we hadn't had time to eat, and I still don't know how I managed to swallow. I was holding it together but barely. Then Fionnuala arrived with a big bag of gifts from the family! I was STUNNED. Gift after gift, lovely Irish items for our American home, to remind us of our Irish home. And a beautiful bracelet from Sheenagh, and an Irish doll for Jillian, my goodness. How I held back the tears I'll never know. Time was ticking, Fionnuala reminded us that we had to leave in a few minutes, so I rushed back to our place to try to find a way to pack all of these precious new gifts. By the hand of God I got them all to fit in the carry-ons. Aidan took out all the bags to the car while I zipped back over to say final goodbyes to his family. I knew it was going to be hard, but I never guessed it would THIS hard.

I took one look at Aidan's daddy, who stood before me and said, "Ok, Pet .." and went to give me a hug, and I lost it. Completely LOST IT. I was sobbing and hugging him. I adored this man. For giving me Aidan, for raising him to be loving and giving and forgiving and God-fearing and sweet-hearted and open. For opening his home and his heart to Jillian and to me. For bringing me sausage rolls nearly every day and for keeping the lambs in the garden longer than planned so I could enjoy them. What a kind and gentle soul. I didn't want to say goodbye. And my tears brought Aidan's daddy to tears. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time. Finally we parted and I thanked him again and before I could blink he whisked himself off out of the room. I hugged and kissed Aidan's mammy, once again crying and her crying, as she said, "Now don't you forget about us, come back to see us. Don't forget!" What an amazing message from this sweet woman who is suffering from the onset of Alzheimer's. She too, I was so thankful for, because of the man Aidan became. Surely he inherited her sense of humor, she cracked me up all summer long. I wouldn't forget her, them, this place, this amazing time here. Not now, not ever. And final hugs from Aunt Anne, what a spunky woman she is. I'll miss her too and her gossip and tidbits that she poured out everyday like the tea. Oh this family. My heart was aching. Aching.

I don't even remember how I made it out to the car and into the backseat with Jillian. My face was tear stained and my heart was shattered. I couldn't make myself turn and look back our front door one last time because I knew I'd be sobbing all over again. This wonderful place that welcomed me home. Home. I felt like I was leaving home.

Hills of Leitrim 

And the car zipped up and down and around and in and out these blessed, narrow, windy, hilly roads of County Down, one last time with me in the back, and the now-familiar flip-flop butterflies the hills and curves gave my stomach. I squinted through tears at the church, the cemetery, the houses, the stone fences, the sheep, the cows, .... all whizzing past me too fast out the window. I wanted to scream for the car to stop so  I could just get out and run back to our little house at Riverside Terrace and make a cup of tea in our little kitchen with the quietly buzzing refrigerator and the ticking lime green wall clock I bought at the Pound store. Where Aidan's daddy would soon come rapping on our kitchen window as we answered back, "Just come in the door!" as he asked Aidan to come sit with his mammy so he could go tend to the sheep. I wanted to go back to stare out at the Mourne Mountains and wonder what it was like to live up so high and look down at this majestic green valley. I wanted to be anywhere in this country except in a car on the way to Dublin airport.

Aidan reached his arm into the backseat to hold my hand across my lap. It was hard to look at him. I did not want to leave him. Even with his flight booked, I didn't want to say goodbye. And then Fionnuala began to tell me what I meant to the family, and asked me if I knew what I had done to their daddy. She had walked into the house and saw her daddy crying with me, a sight not so often, if ever, seen in that house, her daddy was in tears. And then Aidan told her about their Declan showing up in tears that morning, too. Fionnuala's message was loud and clear: I had become family. I was part of their ones now.

Holding back tears at the airport

Somehow we made it to the airport and parked in the structure. Aidan found a cart for all of our piles of bags, and I began to worry about them making it on the plane. The weight, the number of carry-ons, the fact that I was hauling our big biscuit tin chock full of Irish biscuits -- and a rolled up bag of Irish turf from cousin Michael in Co Tyrone, traditionally carried across the Atlantic by the Irish as they emigrated to the States, to remind them of home, and to bring warmth to their new American hearth. What if they tried to confiscate it out of my bag? I couldn't bear the thought of it. But worse, saying goodbye to my fiancé and to my new sister was killing me.

We made our way to the Air Canada desk and Jillian and I checked in our luggage --- no issues, thank God. They were an acceptable weight. We hit the restrooms once again and realized we had time to kill, so we all went to McDonald's to eat, though Fionnuala nailed it when she said this was prolonging the agony and why are we even trying to eat together one more time? This was so painful, going through these last moments together.

Finally we walked to the security line where only passengers could cross. This dreaded moment had arrived. Hugs and kisses all around, Jillian and I said our goodbyes. And then, one last hug and kiss for Aidan and I. He handed me a 2-pound coin, which signified that I would indeed return. And he held me in his arms, kissed me, and told me how much he loved me one more time. And then .. Aidan was overcome with tears. He wept and I wept and we held each other like there was no tomorrow. It was the most painful moment ever. I will never forget it for as long as I live. My sweet Aidan.

We parted and Jillian and I headed for security. I looked back and saw Aidan standing there, waving. I blew him a kiss through my tears and waved at my new sweet sister, and we walked around the corner where I could no longer see them. Poor Jillian tried hard to make me feel better, her little arms around me saying, "It's OK Mom, we'll come back and spend next summer here too!" I took some cleansing, deep breaths, mopped off my face, gathered our way-too-heavy bags, passports, boarding passes, and headed through the line. Now the adrenaline was kicking in. Now it was just a matter of getting from Point A to Point B. Focus on the task, not the heartache. Focus. I told myself over and over. I was wringing wet with sweat and exhaustion. We made our way to the X-ray inspections and sure enough, my heavy, bright yellow bag got flagged. That was the one with the turf in it. We stood at the end of the checkpoint and the guard told me that he had to empty the bag and send it back through. "No problem!" I said. He was very apologetic and very nice about it, which I was thankful for. Anything less and I probably would have started crying all over again. Thanks be to God, they didn't take the turf. I think the problem was that I had packed SO much into that bag and so tightly that they couldn't be sure the machine was seeing all the way through it. When it all came back through, the guard asked if I preferred to repack the bag. Gladly. God knows I had it down to a science.

The only thing left on my agenda was to run through a shop and buy an Irish Brides magazine. I was officially getting married, now, and I was excited to have a reason to buy that. Sadly, the line in the shop was a mile long and by this time, our plane was already boarding. I waited in line a few minutes but finally had to give up, making a mental note to ask Aidan to bring me a copy when he flies home to Michigan.

We arrived at the gate to find swarms of people. Full flight again, but this time a straight flight to Toronto. No walking forty miles through another airport to change planes, thank God. We were seated at the back, row 45, and I was cursing these dumb heavy bags and coat again. Someday I swear I'll take a flight with only a purse in hand. 100 pounds of carry-on luggage is just plain stupidity. As our rows were called to board, a woman ahead of me noticed all of my bags and offered to carry one through the long corridor. I told her it was OK, they were heavy. She pressed on, asking to help me (a sweet Irish woman, of course -- they are just so giving and so helpful!) Finally I let her take one and she laughed and said, "My goodness! Are you carrying rocks in this bag??" I laughed and said indeed I was -- rocks from Giant's Causeway and turf of Co Tyrone!" She really laughed at that. There must also have been a dozen heavy magazines in there of interior decor and Ikea catalogs. She carried that bag until she reached her row 31, and I thanked her profusely. I found our seats and managed to hoist everything up and into the overhead. I was so thankful to be able to sit down because by then I felt like I was going to pass out. My heart ached, my muscles ached, my body was 1000 degrees, I was sweating like God-knows-what. I just needed to sit down and close my eyes and think of this beautiful journey and my sweet Aidan.

As Jillian got settled in with her headphones and iPod, both of our seat belts buckled and ready for takeoff, I looked out the window and whispered "goodbye" to that beautiful country. As the plane lifted off and into the air, I glanced down at the precious Claddagh ring on my left hand, and once again realized that this journey is only just beginning.

My new Irish Family 

Not Ready for Goodbye

The last week in Ireland was amazing and sad at the same time. Aidan and I continued to have a wonderful time together, trying to see as many people as we could to say goodbye before I left this past Wednesday, and also taking off by ourselves on the train to Dublin to spend our last weekend together.

Sheenagh and Ciarán offered to keep Jillian for the weekend which was so sweet of them to do. She spent time with Sheenagh's nieces, Rose and Eireann, who Jillian has become very good friends with. They went swimming at an indoor pool park with the "lazy river" to play in, hit McDonald's, and got to just veg together for one last time. Aidan's family so immediately treated us like family, that I had no worry in the world about Jillian when she was without me -- they just loved her and took care of her as one of their own.

A few days before we left for Dublin, though, I had hit a very sad low. The realization that our time in Ireland was coming to a close was saddening me beyond words. Worse was knowing that I was going back home without Aidan. We had originally planned that we'd fly back together, but his job ended just after I arrived in Ireland, so money was quite tight once the rent and utilities and such were paid. Thinking of plane fare was out of the question until he could find more work. When it all hit me, I just couldn't stop sobbing. I hated to face the fact that not only was I leaving without him, but that we had no time frame whatsoever as to how long we would be apart again. AGAIN. My gosh, we had just survived almost seven months without each other after he went back home last December until I arrived in late June. Yes, we had Skype and thank God for that, we could "see" each other everyday and still have long, enjoyable conversations and share what was going on in our lives, but that can only go on so long. We missed being together, eating together, walking together, just cuddling and kissing and breathing the same air. And now, it seemed, we were facing doing that all over again. Even harder considering we'd have spent seven weeks together, nearly 24/7. Being without each other would be such a shock to the system.

I finally decided I needed the love and prayers of our friends to help us get through this sad reality, so I shared here on our blog and on Facebook that no, Aidan would not be coming with Jillian and I, and no, we had no real idea when that would ever happen. What happened next still gives me tears and goosebumps.

Not only were our friends deeply sad and shocked for us, and sent lots of hugs and good thoughts and prayers, but one particular friend of mine, a neighbor from several years ago, Kelly, posted on Facebook that we should start a GoFundMe account to raise money to bring Aidan home to Michigan. That idea had never crossed my mind. I was a little leery having to ask for donations, but when several other friends chimed in and asked me to start fundraising, that they'd love to help, I finally thought, "Well, why not. Every little bit helps, and at least we might have a little hope." I mentioned it to Aidan and he was quite surprised at the concept, too but was willing to give me the go -ahead. So, late one night Irish time, I started a GoFundMe account and posted to Facebook. Kelly, my sweet neighbor who had the idea in the first place, immediately donated to the account. I was truly speechless. I went to bed that night with a twinge of excitement, thinking that we might just have a little spark of hope.

When I awoke early the next morning, my iPhone had its normal list of notifications on the screen, and as I squinted through them half asleep, I realized most of them were related to the GoFundMe account. I rubbed my eyes fully awake and went to the app to see what had transpired. In only eight hours or so, our friends had donated $585 towards Aidan's $1100 plane fare to America!!! I almost fell out of bed. I had tears and goosebumps and I was immediately shaking. I could not believe the outpouring of support our friends had for us and for our love story. Friends from all over the world, many of which I haven't seen in YEARS, some of which we've never even met in person, only online over Facebook, were donating to make our dreams come true. I immediately began sending thank you notes back to each and every one of these amazing friends, as I held back tears. Aidan was still sound asleep, and I was dying to wake him up. He was going to FLIP OUT. And sure enough, when all my jostling and sniffing and hopping about woke him up, and I told him what had happened, the look on his face was PRICELESS. I hadn't seen a look of surprise like that since the morning I woke him up in North Carolina after driving 12 hours to surprise him and showed up on his doorstep! We were absolutely FLOORED at the love our friends had for us and for our story. We immediately thanked God together for each of these sweet friends and for all our family and friends who were rooting for us to continue our amazing story. My tears went from tears of sorrow to tears of joy. I can't imagine that our friends can even comprehend this gift they'd given us. We finally had hope.

Dublin

By the time we left for Dublin, we had, in only a couple of days, over half of what we needed to buy Aidan's ticket. By now we knew full well that it was no longer an impossible dream that he'd be coming to Michigan to be with me in the near future. We knew we no longer were facing long separation again. It made our last weekend together far more happy than it was going to be, had we been thinking that this was our last weekend together until God only knows when. This whole dream coming true was nothing short of a miracle.

The only thing about our trip to Dublin was that we left on the train in the rain. Funny thing, this. I had joked for over six weeks that the Irish and their "oh it rains most of the time in Ireland" thing was all a fairytale. Nearly the entire time I was there, it was blue skies and sunshine!! But sure enough, my last weekend in Ireland was RAIN. I was told that Ireland was crying because I was about to leave. Awwww. :-(

But rain wouldn't slow us down any. Thankfully Aidan's brother, Declan had thought to lend us his big Jameson Whiskey umbrella, which came in handy for sure. We rode the hop-on/hop-off tour bus up in the double decker part, most of which had no roof, with rain spitting at us off and on all day. And still all we could do was laugh and smile and kiss and hug and walk around in our own little sunny heaven. This was not our last weekend together for uncountable months, only for a few weeks tops. Life was -- IS -- grand.

Finding our hotel was another story, though. I had booked the Travelodge -Phoenix Park, which was supposed to be near the park, the zoo, and the tour bus route. WRONG. We walked through Phoenix Park (and walked, and walked...) and finally exited the park on the other side, and faced a busy road, and the hotel was still not in sight. Aidan finally flagged down a cab and we got a ride out to the hotel. It was a great hotel, clean and modern, and the desk clerk was nothing short of amazing at her job -- Rebecca with her Claddagh engagement ring (yes I took quick notice at that!) But don't ask about the wifi. The wifi wasn't free, it was 5 Euro. Then we soon discovered that that is per device. So our two iPhones to use wifi -- 10 Euro. God help the families with three kids and 12 devices. 5 Euro each?? Seriously. That drove us crazy. Other than that, we were happy to have found the hotel. But close to the city centre, it was not. We walked (in the Irish rain) to the bus stop, took the bus to the centre, and then found the tour bus. But I quickly realized that I would happily ride the city bus all day long -- I LOVE to watch people. You just never know the many kinds of people who will get on a city bus. Fascinating.

Funny thing, too: Right ahead of us on the city bus was a poster for Ikea. Oh yes! Dublin also has an Ikea! Had to mark that on our list of things to do that weekend.

As it went, we had a glorious time in Dublin. We wandered around the Antique Quarter full of antique shops (most of which were closed by the time we got there but it was fun anyway.) We saw the massive St Patrick's Cathedral, did a little souvenir shopping for the kids back home... And then we hit up Temple Bar on Saturday night looking for traditional Irish music. I thought this was going to be a breeze --- after all, Temple Bar was the most famous district for pubs and music in all of Dublin. But after the fourth pub we went in and right back out because there was no real trad music, I was getting seriously worried! FINALLY we happened upon a pub with a guitar and accordion that was really good. And what followed them was another guitar and accordion duo that was REALLY GOOD. I was immediately in heaven. Saturday night in Dublin truly was a dream come true. I'm so happy we decided to do Dublin that final weekend of my stay in Ireland.

Fionnbar, a man in Dublin

We took the city bus out to Ikea on Sunday, however that place was PACKED full of people, we could barely walk in there! Fun anyway. I swear, we are the giddiest couple on the planet. We could be served cardboard for dinner and we'd just smile and happily salt it and eat it anyway. Thankfully though we had fish and chips at Ikea which was delectable, if I must say so. After Ikea we had planned to take in a matinee performance of Riverdance, something Aidan and I were really excited to do. Turns out the Dublin city bus was late. REALLY late. We missed Riverdance. But by this time the rain had lifted, and we had a sunny day to wander around Dublin before going back to Co Down. We saw Dublin Castle and walked up and down streets brimming with amazing history and architecture. I couldn't take photos fast enough!! We even made friends with a unique little man called Fionnbar. I swear, Aidan bumps into a stranger anywhere in the world and within five minutes, they've managed to find a friend they have in common. I love
this about the Irish. Even Fionnbar said the Irish can't hide anywhere -- they will always find another Irishman regardless of the country they may be in away from home! Just such a great time in Dublin.

The train ride home was bittersweet. Aidan and I both really love Dublin, and we both agreed we could live there someday (after we make a bit of money, though -- expensive city to live in!) We rode home, staring at the scenery out the windows and my heart began to hurt. I knew that in only a couple short days, I'd have to leave this beautiful country and this amazing family of Aidan's.

Later that night, Jillian in bed and Aidan next door checking on his parents, I began to download the 100s of photos I'd taken in Dublin, as I sat quietly in our little kitchen. I loved our little house in Leitrim and I couldn't shake the thought that I couldn't call it "home" for very much longer. My mind was racing through the amazing adventures we'd taken these seven weeks, all the beautiful things we'd seen and shared, and the people I'd grown to love so deeply. About that time, Aidan came in and leaned over me to see what I was doing with the photos, and told me he had something on his mind to talk to me about. I figured it was something about his family or something. So I stopped working with the photos and looked up him to listen. He leaned over me, looked into my eyes, and said, "Will you marry me?"

????!!!!!

I was STUNNED.

YES we'd talked about it a million times. Aidan even happily calls me Mrs. Bannon upon occasion because he likes the sound of it. But I had NO idea at that second that he was going to propose.

And do you know what I could barely get out? (Because in that moment, I was dizzy and near speechless.) "Are you serious???"

And of course he said he was serious and he loved me and again, would I marry him, and of course I said YES with everything that I am, and we kissed and hugged and just nearly fainted, I think. Well, I almost did, anyway.

As if our love and this wonderful time in Ireland wasn't enough, NOW I found myself happily engaged to be married to my sweet Aidan.

When I woke up the next morning, and stared at Aidan, I had to ask him if I had dreamed the night before. He told me no, it was all real, and we were engaged. OH talk about being on Cloud Nine!!!! My Claddagh ring now sits on my left hand instead of my right, and I was just brimming with excitement. I couldn't wait to share our news. Facebook had to wait, though. We had to tell our families first, personally.

This is when the five hour time difference really bugged me! Everyone in the States was still sleeping. I had to wait until later in the day to call home. Aidan's brother Declan and his little family were still out of town. This was going to take a little time. Finally I was able to Skype my parents, and also found out my son Ethan was there, as was my nice Autumn and her family up from NC, so I was able to share our news at once with all of them. I then chatted with my oldest, PJ, and sent messages to all of my nieces, my sister, and my brother. Everyone seemed happy for us, though I doubt any of them were surprised, they knew how much Aidan and I loved each other and had already planned to spend forever together.

It took until the following day for Aidan to make the announcement to his family. His parents and aunt first, while we were next door with them. His daddy hugged me immediately and told me he'd love me like a daughter, which meant the WORLD to me. It was so exciting to share our news with his family. One by one, he phoned his siblings and put the phone on speaker. What a hoot when he called his sister Fionnuala, because she was at work and had to remain completely calm and quiet, two things that are not normal-Fionnuala-characteristics. She sounded as happy as she could reveal. Aidan's brothers were also quick to congratulate us, but they were both at work. Sheenagh was very excited for us and she was with her sister Roisin, who I've also become close to, and her daughter Rose, all of them whooping it up in the background. What fun. Poor Aidan's heart was beating out of his chest!!! And it didn't slow down for quite some time! This was one crazy couple of days for us!!! After all of the sharing, I was given the go-ahead to post on Facebook. We had already been invited to Aidan's cousin's house to visit sweet Alanna who had just gotten home from the hospital after a horrendous bike accident, and Aidan's siblings and families were also going. I soon heard from one of his cousins who said, "Now an engagement party at our house tonight???" :-) OH the fun!!! It was official: I could now really truly call this family my own!!!

That night was amazing but not easy. I had already begun to pack before we left for the gathering, but was far from finished. I loved being able to see everything together one last night before our flight the next day, but that meant I had to say goodbyes, too. Just the morning before, on Monday, it hit me when I was standing in the kitchen at home that I was about to leave Ireland, and I couldn't stop the tears. I cried off and on all Monday long, and by Tuesday night, I thought for sure I was all cried out. Well, I was ok until little Alanna started crying before we left. That made ME start crying all over again.

We bid farewell to everyone that night, except officially to Aidan's parents, aunt, and sister, because I'd be seeing them the next morning. I left with a heaviness in my heart I'll never forget. I wasn't ready to say a final goodbye to this country, or to this beautiful new family of mine. I just wasn't ready.

How am I going to get through this? I didn't want to face the next morning. I just didn't want Wednesday to come.