Always Daydreaming

As I mentioned before, Aidan has been back home in Ireland since December. It hit us today, over video chat, that we are now at the end of March -- we are already almost done with 1/4 of the year. That's crazy. The last couple of weeks I have been lamenting over how slow time seems to go, wondering how I'll make it until mid June when I finally will be reunited with Aidan. Today, though,  I realized time is going by, and before I know it, I'll be packing. I just can't wait. 

It's funny. The first couple of months, every other conversation would find Aidan and I daydreaming about our weekend together back in November, how amazing it was to be together and how quickly the time flew by. These days, we are focused on June and how electric it will feel to finally be together once again. We stare at each other over video and talk about the airport in Dublin, how crazy excited we'll be to see each other again after so long. I have even stared at photos of Dublin airport, just to be able to visualize being there and seeing my sweet love. 

I love that Aidan is a dreamer. He talks about our upcoming time together in Ireland and things we'll share. He calls me just to tell me about the dream he'd had the night before, recalling in great detail conversations we had or where we were in the dream. I love every second of it. I am so thankful that we share all the bits and pieces of our days with each other ... He asks about the kids and I ask about his daddy's sheep. We share coffee and tea over video chat (my one or two cups of coffee to his 5 or 7 or 9 cups of tea, that is!) Last weekend, Aidan went to Mayo and to Kilkenny .... and I printed a map of Ireland so I could figure out where he was going. I'm always picking his brain about one thing or another, and he hasn't tired of it (yet). ;-) 

One of my German cousins read on Facebook that I'll be spending time in Ireland with Aidan, and we got to chatting online about it. She was here in the States back when I was 18, and we haven't seen each other since. She was thrilled that I would be so close to Germany again, and immediately decided that she would try to find a way to come see me while I was there. She lived for a few years in England, and proceeded to tell me stories about her run-ins with sheep. I was laughing so hard at her stories that I had tears running down my face! She had been driving late one night on her way home, in the country, in the dark and fog, when she came upon a couple hundred sheep blocking the road. She was all alone. She ended up out of her car trying to get the sheep to move -- and the way she explained it, they aren't so cute and funny when you have to push them out of the way by the moonlight! OH that just cracked me up. I'm sure it wasn't funny for her at the time, but it sure was hilarious to hear her retell it. Speaking of laughing, she asked if I had seen Mrs. Brown's Boys, the Irish TV show. I had not. Well, Heike (my cousin) sent me a clip via YouTube. OH MY GOODNESS did THAT ever strike me funny. First, I was cracking up. Then I shared it with my mom and we watched several clips, both of us ROARING. How funny that I learn about an Irish TV show from my cousin in Germany?!  I can't wait to see her again, it's been SO long. She's going to fly into Dublin in July for a weekend! And bless Aidan's sweet heart, he was so welcoming to the idea of her coming over right from the moment I told him she was thinking about it. She now calls him her "maybe future cousin" ;-)

My daughter, Jillian, has her ups and downs about the idea of spending the summer in Ireland -- I know she's not quite sure what to expect, and of course she's anxious to spend time with Aidan finally, too.  I can't say she's traveled much in her nine years -- She's been to a few different states. She really has no idea how special a trip like this is for her. I periodically show her video clips of places in Ireland or photos, just to give her an idea of what she'll see. Yesterday we watched a video about the haunted castles of Ireland. Not sure that was such a good idea. She was engrossed in the legends and tales during the video, and swore she wasn't getting scared. But part way through, she asked why the commentator was IN one of the haunted castles. I told her it was just a video, just stories. She stared at the screen and said, "I don't think I'll go see castles with you and Aidan. Find me a babysitter." Another part of the video talked about leprechauns and fairies. We have talked about fairy hunting and fairy forts, and Jillian and I have been excited and looking forward to seeing them (whether they truly exist or not.) Well, this video happened to mention that fairies, when disturbed, can be mean, and they have been known to take children and replace them with changelings! Jillian did NOT like the sound of that. She looked at me and said, in shock, "MOTH-ER! You want ME to go to fairy forts?? To get TAKEN???" OH GOOD GRIEF. I hope she forgets about this video by June!! Jillian has also heard that Aidan has cousins that are around her age group, so she's looking forward to meeting up with them to play. I just feel so blessed that Aidan's family and friends are so happy to hear that we are coming over to visit, and that they are looking forward to meeting us. It means so much to me. I really can't wait to meet them. 

But over and above all of it -- I'm dying to be in Aidan's arms again. I don't think I'll ever want to let him go after all this time apart. (Even if I have to smoosh him in my suitcase for the flight home in August!!) 

St. Patrick's Day and All Things Irish

March came in and is now almost over. It's hard to believe it's been over three months since Aidan and were together in NC. As grueling as it's felt to be apart, we have managed to survive it and see the time passing. Thank God for technology and the ability to chat over video. It's truly made all the difference when having to deal with this distance for so long. It's also helped to be able to realize that in a few months, Jillian and will be flying over to spend most of the summer in Ireland. And today my renewed passport arrived in the mail, helping all the more for me to realize that I'm not dreaming all this up! I just can't wait to get there. And, being that we're in the middle of March, Irish-American Heritage Month, I can't go anywhere without seeing shamrocks and everything green displayed for St. Patrick's Day. I have to admit, I've never taken so much time to reflect over this holiday as I have this year.

St. Patrick's Day for my family has never been a big celebration. My mom makes the traditional corned beef and cabbage and we wear green, that's about it. We aren't drinkers so none of us have ever done the pub crawl thing and I don't even remember attending a St. Patrick's Day parade as a kid (granted we aren't in a very big town, though, either.) This year, St. Patrick's Day felt a little different for me, and for my family. Even my mother mentioned, "It's funny now, [St. Patrick's Day] has more meaning somehow."

As it went, on the evening of St. Patrick's Day, I headed over to my parents' for dinner. Aidan and I gabbed over video chat as my mom was almost done cooking. He had watched a parade on TV and the commentator visited with a few parade-goers on camera, asking how far they'd come to see the parade. One man he spoke with said he'd brought his family all the way there from PORT HURON, Michigan. THAT'S MY TOWN! Of the millions of cities across the U.S., how ironic that someone from little ole' Port Huron would be over there, right now!! We only have about 42K people here, I'm dying to know who it was. How funny!!

As I mentioned before, Aidan and I are both on Facebook and we often flirt back and forth on there, as well as post pics and inspirational quotes for each other. My friends online have been following along and are well aware that I am taking my daughter and heading to the Emerald Isle come June. With so many Irish-inspired pics and posts floating around the internet for St. Patrick's Day, many of my friends have purposely shared several with me, posting them on my Facebook wall. It's been so sweet to see the support and interest in our little unfolding love story. I truly am touched by it. I also think it's brilliant that this beautiful Irish country and rich culture has now gained so much attention among my friends, because of the fact that Aidan and I got together. My friend Jill from NY has hunted down more Irish tidbits, quotes, and photos than even I have on Facebook. It's so delightful! Not to mention the sheep -- several of my friends are also sharing photos of Irish sheep with me as well. What a hoot! Some friends have even revealed that they have an Irish ancestry, which I didn't
realize. It's really been enjoyable to witness. While the majority of the U.S. hasn't grasped the concept of March being Irish-American Awareness Month (instead, seeing it as only a month that holds an Irish holiday,) a group of Facebook friends scattered about all over the world have begun to embrace Irish culture amongst themselves and with me, and for that I am thankful. Recognizing, learning about, and respecting any culture is enriching -- and the fact that Aidan being in my life has inspired many to learn more about Ireland makes me very happy.

I keep daydreaming about my trip in June. I'm beginning to make mental notes about what to pack, what not to pack, wondering which dulcimer I'll try to take or maybe I'll ship it. I thought back to my first trip to Europe when I was 16 that I took with my high school German class. It was 1990, the era of big hair, matching purses and shoes, and at 16, everything was about style and looking "just right." I was no exception. It never dawned on me that style and fads in America may not be in line with those in Germany. I just packed as much as I could stuff into my large suitcase. As in, eleven pair of shoes. Four purses. Countless outfits. Makeup. Loads of hairspray. Three jackets. Yes, it weighed a TON and I had left no room for souvenirs. ELEVEN pair of shoes??! I think back to that and literally cringe. The first five or six days, I kept my American pace going. But, ever so slowly, I began to notice that I stuck out like a sore thumb. One thing that was important to me was experiencing the culture -- not just visiting it, but learning to blend, finding things outside of the tourist areas, off the beaten path. It wasn't long before my crisp, flashy American style began to give way to un-ratted hair pulled back in a messy bun, less makeup, and pant legs that were not rolled tightly at the ankles. By the time I flew back home a month later, I found out I had become unrecognizable. My own mom looked right past me as I deboarded the plane. I'd had my 'lightbulb' moment and I know I was forever changed by it. Of course I was still the same American teenager ... but I had adopted a few things about the German culture that I wanted as my own. And so it's gone that way over the years. I think it's a gift, the ability to experience and embrace this awesome world full of cultures and people.

Speaking of embracing cultures: Aidan LOVES country music. Steel guitars, honky tonk, cowboy boots ... LOVES it. In fact, being back home in Ireland, he's even spent part of an evening watching country music on TV with his parents. Until Aidan, I hadn't considered the fact that the sounds of country music would be enticing to anyone outside of this continent. It seems so ... American  ... to me. Ridiculous, I know, I know. Aidan told me that many people he knows there also love country. The irony is, I love traditional
Irish music just as much or more than Aidan loves his country; I always have. I've never been able to get enough of it. I don't know how many albums I've had over the years, tunes I've learned on the dulcimer, and concerts I've attended of Irish music. I listen to it and I feel it in my soul. Me discovering a love for Irish music as a little girl never seemed out of the ordinary to me, after all our country is a melting pot, and we are just a big blend of international flavors here in the States, Irish included. Aidan and I just spoke about this the other day. He reminded me of the Scots-Irish immigrants in the southern states and the influence their music has had in America; country music definitely has taken some inspiration from those roots. It's making more sense to me now. And considering others that love country, if there ever was a #1 Irish fan of Garth Brooks, it's Aidan's sister, Fionnuala. She ADORES Garth. While I'm there, Garth Brooks will actually be in concert in Dublin, and it's a GIGANTIC affair. Guess who landed tickets? Fionnuala! She was --and is-- on cloud nine! How awesome is THAT??! Five concerts at Croke Park in Dublin sold out in TWO HOURS. That's one lucky Irish lass, that Fionnuala! What a sweet girl ... I can't wait to meet her in person and spend time with her!!! 

And so, as the time passes slowly, I will continue to plan my packing strategy for the trip, which will not include eleven pairs of shoes. I need to find Jillian and I a waterproof jacket for the rain, and I've read from seasoned travelers to Ireland that taking clothes that layer is the way to go. And of course, my beloved green Wellies are on top of the pile, even if I have to wear them on the plane, should they be too heavy for my suitcase.  But you know what? I'd board a plane right this second without anything but the clothes on my back if it meant I could be with Aidan sooner. I miss him like mad and cannot WAIT to get there.

(Green) Light At the End of the Tunnel

When Aidan left the States to go back to Ireland to be with his mammy, I don't think either of us thought it would be for as long as it has been. Initially he talked about coming back after the holidays in early January. Then it was sometime in February, but his sweet mammy ended up back in the hospital again for a time. At that point I decided that if he wasn't able to come back anytime soon, I'd plan to go there in the summer when school was out. I wasn't sure how I'd manage to afford it or for how long or anything, but as each day passed, the more and more I've held onto the idea. Even without a concrete plan, it's been something to dream about as time goes on.

In between my schooling and running with my kids, I have spent my free time searching through cheap flight websites, getting an idea of what tickets might be in the summer. I daydream about flying to Ireland and the moment I finally find myself walking off the plane and seeing Aidan waiting for me in the Dublin airport ... Imagining our eyes locking through the crowd, impatiently awaiting the opportunity to run into each other's arms after being apart for so long. I can't fathom the feeling of finally being able to fall into his arms again.

While it's one thing to daydream about jumping on a plane and flying to Ireland, it's another to pull it off. I haven't been able to jump on a plane and go to Europe in 13 years, and the last time I did, I was working for YFU International Exchange and had been asked to chaperone a flight to Germany that had several American kids headed over for their year abroad and several German kids returning from their year in America -- In exchange for my chaperoning the flight, my round trip airfare was covered by the organization. Financially, I knew I was facing a challenge -- I'm currently a full time student, managing a house of three kids, and on a very small (read: teeny, tiny, minuscule) budget. Furthermore, I knew I couldn't leave my little girl for longer than a couple of weeks; my boys are close to graduating and aren't as dependent on me anymore; they're happy to stay with their dad part time and their grandparents part time,  but a nine year old little girl can't be without her mom and her mom can't be without her. That meant I either was able to go on my own for a very short time to be with Aidan in Ireland, or I could take my daughter with me and stay longer. (Gee, hard choice there.) I began to focus on the possibility of finding a way to purchase two round trip tickets to Ireland. Where there's a will there's a way --- and God answers prayer regardless.

But before I could even get close to trying to put the money together to go, I had another battle on my hands. In order to take my daughter out of the country, I had to have written and notarized consent from her father. And he did not want to let her go for longer than two weeks. I spent a good month going back and forth with him; he did not want to budge. Finally, I began to think I was stuck with the two weeks. I became pretty discouraged to have to have our time limited because of the ex. Part of me tried to focus on the joy of just being able to go at all, but the other part was lamenting over such a short stay. Finally, I had made a decision to go to the judge to grant permission. It would be kind of an ugly process, but to me it was worth it. This was going to be such an amazing opportunity for my daughter to experience another culture, see the beauty of Ireland, and enrich her young life far beyond what schoolbooks could do. It was worth the battle.

The day after I had secretly decided to go to court, the ex came to pick up the children for visitation. He asked to speak to me, and when I asked what he wanted, he just stated, "You can take her."

?? I wasn't sure I heard him right, and even if I had, did he mean what I thought he'd meant?

"What do you mean -- I can take her??" I asked.

"You can take her to Ireland, for as long as you want. I'm not going to cause any problems and I'll sign whatever I have to," he answered.

I was thunderstruck. He just told me he'd thought about it and changed his mind and to just move ahead with my plans. I wanted to cry. I had been SO stressed over this. And finally, he just handed me permission without me ever having to darken the court door. Thank God!! NOW ... about the tickets. I had it in my head to hurry up and manage to find a way to purchase the tickets before the ex had a chance to change his mind. How was I going to put all this together...?

Airline tickets during tourist season in the summer for Ireland are nearly double what they are off season. Flying from Detroit, my closest airport, for two of us was going to cost about $2,600 round trip. However, after further research, I discovered that if we drive three hours to Toronto and fly from that airport, we could save $100s. I knew if I pressed on and kept looking, I would find a way to make this work.

 I'd like to say what comes next is ironic, but I know it was a God thing. I happened to receive a $1000 back in a Federal student tax credit that I had never heard of after filing my taxes, plus $148 back in a state tax refund. And the other really odd thing is that my college financial aid department mis-figured my grant/loan payout schedule and refunded me $565 that should have been applied to my upcoming Spring term to cover books and supplies. Even more ironic is that I met and became friends with another student in one of my online classes that has offered to loan me her book for my next class, saving me just under $200. And, I sold one of my other schoolbooks for $137 and another small book for $10 recently. Soooo....do you want goosebumps?

Our passports and round trip airline tickets ended up costing $1742. There was no way I could pull that out of my teeny budget even if I tried. BUT - The unexpected money that came in totaled $1860. I was fully able to cover the tickets and passports without even touching my regular budget. I had $1860 come out of no where AND the ex turned on a dime and without notice or discussion just decided to grant permission for my daughter to go for whatever amount of time I wanted. No one will ever be able to tell me this wasn't the hand of God and meant to be!

After comparing flights and staring at the calendar, I went ahead and purchased the tickets: Two weeks? No way. Three? Too short. Ready for this? We are spending SEVEN WEEKS in Ireland with Aidan. SEVEN!! I got to thinking -- after I graduate next year and start working, God knows I won't be able to take that much time off at once until retirement. Plus, Aidan and I need to spend some good time together after being separated for so many months. All the way around it just made more and more sense to go for a good long chunk of time. SEVEN WEEKS!!! I just can't wait. How I'm going to get through the next 12 weeks until we leave, I have no idea. But it's going to be worth it.

And how cute is this: Aidan's 12 year old cousin had friended me on Facebook several weeks ago. She read my post about the fact that we are headed to Ireland in June, and got so excited that she texted her granny early that morning to share the news! Her granny is Aidan's daddy's sister. The news is traveling through his family pretty quickly. I feel so humbled and so honored that Aidan's family is so welcoming and excited that we are coming to visit. It truly is such a blessing to my daughter and I. We are overjoyed.

During the last few days, I have been enjoying showing my daughter tidbits about Ireland on the internet. We have looked at the world map to get an idea of how far we will be flying to get there. Another map showed Ireland in comparison to the United States, placing the shape of Ireland over the state of Indiana. This was a good lesson for her to realize the difference in size between our vast America and the Emerald Isle. We discovered that leprechauns are actually fairies (I never knew that!) and read the history about St. Patrick (fitting, as St. Patrick's Day is just a few day away.) We looked at dozens of photos of castles. And also studied about four-leaf clovers and why they are lucky (it is said that four-leaf clovers are so rare -- only 1 in 10,000, so if you find one you are indeed lucky! And, according to Christian legend, Eve carried a four-leaf clover with her when she left the Garden of Eden, so if you find one, you surely hold a piece of Paradise in your hand.)

We certainly can say we have the luck of the Irish with the way our trip to Ireland has gone from a daydream to becoming reality. More so, we know we are truly blessed.

Oh I just can't wait to get there and be able to see Aidan in person once again.....<3

Be My Valentine

Being the sappy in-love-with-love kind of girl that I am, I was surprised to discover one thing I didn't know about St. Valentine. He's buried in Dublin.

I embarrassingly have to admit I never made a connection of Valentine's Day and Ireland. As the story goes,  St. Valentine is the patron saint of lovers, executed in Rome in the 3rd century. In 1835, an Irish priest, Fr John Spratt, was given permission to exhume his remains and take them home to Ireland, where he was buried in the Carmelite Church on Whitefriar Street in Dublin. Every year, on February 14, lovers (and those who have lost love or seek to find it) visit St. Valentine's shrine.

One day early in February, Aidan told me there was a whole spread in a local paper pertaining to Irish traditions of love and Valentine's Day and how he wanted to read it to me over Skype. Now, I love to hear Aidan tell me stories, and I love it when Aidan sings. I had not yet heard Aidan read. I was, needlesstosay, excited at the thought. A while later, we found ourselves together once again over Skype and I saw that Aidan had this paper. He said to me, "Are you ready!? Are you sitting down? Are you buckled in? Here we go..." This man just cracks me up. He is so animated and joyful. 

"I'm ready! I'm buckled in! Hit me with it!" I laughed.

Sure enough, my sweet Irishman proceeded to read to me from this newspaper all about Valentine's Day. It was the most romantic moment for me ever. I hung on his every word ... stared at him reading intently and flipping through pages, his eyes lighting up at one topic or another, wanting to share all of it with me. My face began to hurt from smiling. It was as if the rest of the world didn't exist, just Aidan and I in this sappy moment together. I was thankful for it. I kept thinking as he read, how blessed I felt to have him in my life, and what joy the future holds. He just .. plain ... makes me happy.

As Valentine's Day approached, I lamented over the fact that the package I mailed across the big pond may not arrive on Aidan's doorstep in time. I discovered after mailing something for Christmas that once a parcel leaves Chicago, the tracking is no longer available and I'm just left hanging. A part of me longed to be with Aidan on Valentine's Day, surely, but I knew somehow we'd make it special even across the miles, over Skype. And as I sat daydreaming that morning with my coffee, still in my toasty pajamas, a knock came upon the front door. When I answered it, there stood an older gentleman holding a large wrapped floral delivery!

It was a miracle my legs held me up because getting flowers on Valentine's Day all the way from Ireland from Aidan completely melted me. What a sweet, sweet guy he is!! And holy cow, what a GORGEOUS bouquet of roses. We may be 3000 miles apart, but Aidan always makes every day special for me -- and Valentine's Day was just over the top! We were able to Skype a few times as well, which I am so thankful for. It's definitely the next best thing to being together.

I love that I am learning so much from Aidan, and that he inspires me to grow. I've spent too many years in my life with so much of my true self hidden away .. Ignoring the things I loved to do, places I wanted to go, languages I was dying to learn.... I feel like Aidan has awakened in me who I should have been all along. It feels good to finally be awake. As silly as it sounds, I've missed the old me. It's nice to have her back. It's kind of like finding your old favorite pair of jeans, putting them on, and realizing how perfect and happy you feel in them, wondering why the heck you haven't been wearing them all along. I'm so thankful that, unbeknownst to Aidan, he helped me find my old favorite jeans again. <3

48 vs. 27 and the Love/Hate for Ikea

I was blessed to have been brought up in a family that enjoyed to travel. Spring break we traveled south and summers we went Down East. By the time I was 21, I had traveled to 27 states. Compared to many people in my circles, I found that to be a pretty good amount of the USA.

However, it doesn't stand up to Aidan's 48. This American girl has been outdone -- WAY outdone-- by an Irishman. How the heck does THAT happen?!

For the first 12 or so years that Aidan was in the States, he worked for United Van Lines moving people to all ends of the country. He literally has traveled around all 48 states, only missing Hawaii and Alaska. And not only has he traveled through 48 states, Aidan and his mind-blowing photographic memory remembers roads and towns and counties all over the place. He could easily be a cartographer. One day he even asked me how far I was from a street in MY town. Turns out he's been here, too. Talk about a small world. On top of that, Aidan makes friends everywhere he goes. Everywhere. I can promise you there isn't a state in the union where Aidan doesn't know someone somewhere. A man that has that much traveling under his belt certainly has interesting stories to share. I love to hear him reminisce about his life on the road and the things he's seen and done. (Of course previous to that, he traveled around Europe. I mentioned the fact that my grandmother came from Romania, and what does he respond with? Something in Romanian. He knows a little of that language, too. And oh the stories.)

One day over Skype, the subject of Ikea came up -- I don't even remember how. Aidan instantly winces and spits out, "OH I HATE Ikea furniture!" quite dramatically.

He WHAT?? 

He went on to share a story about a particular move he did for a woman who had an Ikea dresser. He and his partner proceeded to pad and load the dresser, which, as soon as they attempted to put it on the dolly, immediately fell to a million pieces, with the woman's underwear and pajamas dumping out all over. The way Aidan told this story, you'd have thought it had just happened last week. As I'm listening, I'm glancing around my parlor...my living room ... my dining room...my bedroom...It's mostly Ikea. And hearing my true love hating Ikea at the same moment that I'm sitting in my house surrounded by it just began to crack me up.

The irony is hilarious. Only months before Aidan and I met,  I decided to completely overhaul my interior decor, which was ceiling to floor bursting with primitive antiques. Walking through my house was a time travel experience, it would have made you think you were on Little House on the Prairie. I became delighted by Ikea design mixed with vintage industrial pieces and since then, I've been on a slow journey to transform an 18th century interior into something light, airy, and slightly modern.

And here I find myself unable to stop giggling.

Through laughs, I managed to explain this all to Aidan. He did point out that he doesn't mind the textiles and rugs and such, it's just that in his opinion, the wooden furniture is very low quality (coming from someone experienced in furniture construction AND who lives in the furniture making capital of the US, North Carolina.) But I could barely finish my sentences. I could NOT stop laughing. Aidan was laughing, which made me laugh even more. We couldn't even successfully change the subject at this point. I had tears just rolling down my face, my glasses were fogging up, my stomach was hurting, and it was hysterical. I was just rolling.

I can only imagine someday if Aidan and I ever move my stuff out of this house, there will be adventure. Quite honestly though, I don't have many wooden pieces of Ikea, mostly upholstered pieces and textiles. Regardless, I fear I will be laughing the entire time.

That is one more thing I am so grateful for in Aidan -- his ability to make me laugh. It doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having or what I'm going through -- talking with him turns it all around and before long, my face hurts from smiling so much. I daydream continually of the idea of daily life with Aidan -- what a hoot it would finally be to face everyday together under the same roof! His outlook and the way he expresses his thoughts just blow me away. And as Yakov Smirnoff once said, "I believe there is a connection between love and laughter." Absolutely agree!!